peanuts Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 Devastated /disgustedA very sad day today. After seven years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can now no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium newbryford Posted December 22, 2016 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 22, 2016 (edited) Except, maybe, Bruce? Rule 6.... There is no rule 6. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNBy1D1Y0h4 Cheers, Mick Edited December 22, 2016 by newbryford Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted December 22, 2016 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 22, 2016 He slept with his wife? What's it like? To quote Eric Idle. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
graeme3300 Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 Long ago a cave girl was sitting on the edge of a cliff overlooking the jungle below, with her cave boyfriend beside her. It was late in the afternoon, and the boy said, "Please, can we do 'Wee-Wee-Shoo' once more before we go home?" She pulled a face and said, "Oh no, please, we've had 'Wee-Wee-Shoo' twice already today." He pleaded, "Oh, just once more before we go home for the night?" "But my Mum will be waiting outside the cave for me," she said. He pleaded once more, "Oh please, let's do 'Wee-Wee-Shoo' just once more. I promise I'll have you back home at the cave before it gets dark." "Oh, very well," she sighed. She reached out and took his hand and together they stood up, looked into the setting sun and . . . . . . . . sang, "Wee-Wee-Shoo a Merry Christmas, Wee-Wee-Shoo a Merry Christmas, Wee-Wee-Shoo a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!!! Tea is more dangerous than beer. Please avoid drinking tea. I discovered this last night, I had 14 beers till 3am at the pub while my wife was just drinking tea at home. ... You should have seen how violent and angry she was when I got home. I was peaceful, silent and headed to bed as she shouted at me, all night and even into the next morning. Please ladies, if you can't handle your tea, don't drink it. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
EHertsGER Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 (edited) One thing puzzles me...when I watch reruns of 'The Flintstones' this time of year, they are celebrating Christmas... ? Edited December 22, 2016 by EHertsGER Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
EHertsGER Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 OK! An oldie but goodie and in seasonal spirit (for those who have been living down a mine for the last thousand years) Why was Jesus not born in (name your most disliked town/region/football team)? They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.. OK, now that is over we can all go back to actual jokes... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted December 23, 2016 Share Posted December 23, 2016 A contemporary Jewish joke of the time, apparently:- An SS Gestapo Officer was striding importantly down the Unter Den Linden in mid-1930's Berlin, when a little old Jewish man bumps into him. Outraged, the Officer draws up to his full 6'4" & bellows - "SCHWEINHUNT!!!" The old Jewish man raises his hat politely. "Solomon" he replies, "pleased to meet you".... 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allegheny1600 Posted December 24, 2016 Share Posted December 24, 2016 A man goes to the chemist and asks for soap. The seller offers him a black head supervital soap at £2. The man then said: "That is an insult, £2 for a soap ... Do you have nothing cheaper.?" "Well, I have a fat soap, which costs 1 pound." "It's still too expensive, is not there anything cheaper?" "Well, I still have a smart price soap, odorless and colorless, which costs 50 pence, but that is the cheapest one we have in the shop." "50 pence is still greedy ... Can one still negotiate the price?" "I should ask the boss." The salesman disappears in a room and comes back after some time. He says: "Lower prices, I can not give to you, but you get a pack of condoms for free.." "Why condoms? They have nothing to do with soap ..." "Well, the boss and I think that people like you should not multiply ..." 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Colin_McLeod Posted December 24, 2016 Author RMweb Gold Share Posted December 24, 2016 Was that man on his way to a model railway exhibition by any chance. 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allegheny1600 Posted December 24, 2016 Share Posted December 24, 2016 I did wonder that myself!!! Three secretaries in hell. They are given a chance to go to heaven when they can solve the devil's task. The devil said, "Do you see the three monkeys there, if with only your speech you can - the first to laugh, - the second to cry and - get the third to voluntarily lock themselves into the cage, I give your souls free! As all three of you can speak well, that can be done. " The first worked at British Leyland and went to the first monkey. She talked and talked, but the monkey looked bored and ignored her. The other two monkeys as well. "Go to hell with you!" Cried the devil. The second from Microsoft was even less fortunate. She was abused by the first monkey, spat on by the second, and bitten by the third. "To hell with you!" Cried the devil again. The last worked in public administration. She went to the first monkey and whispered something in his ear. He laughed and laughed. The second monkey wept like a newly widowed bride. The third monkey cried out in horror, jumped into the cage, locked it inside, and hastily swallowed the key. The devil was perplexed! "What did you say?" He stammered. The secretary said: "To the first monkey I said, for whom I work, The second I told what I earn and The third I said we were still looking for employees. " 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poggy1165 Posted December 24, 2016 Share Posted December 24, 2016 The members of a certain political Party (better not say which one!) had to cancel their nativity play. They had plenty of sheep, but they couldn't find three wise men. Or indeed a virgin. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinty3f Posted December 24, 2016 Share Posted December 24, 2016 They had plenty of sheep, but they couldn't find three wise men. Or indeed a virgin. Echoooooooooo........... (6 posts back!) Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poggy1165 Posted December 24, 2016 Share Posted December 24, 2016 Sorry. Missed it. You know, there are only so many jokes to go round. A world shortage, in fact. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allegheny1600 Posted December 24, 2016 Share Posted December 24, 2016 To attempt to rectify this shortage, here then is another! Today I was at the bakery. I was 5 min in the store and when I got out, there is a traffic warden and she is writing a parking ticket! I to her: "I was only 5 minutes at the baker!" She ignores me and fills in the ticket. Coolly: "You can not park here. In addition, I advise you to calm down, otherwise it will be even more expensive!" So she got on my nerves, so I called her a stupid itch and told her where she could put her ticket book. Since the lady at once totally annoyed and rambled about my display and worse ticket for me. Then I lost my temper and told her I thought she was the hooker of the office and if she were looking for another place on the street, she could earn more. She became pale, clamped the ticket behind the windshield wiper and marched away. I did not care, I was there on foot 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
cromptonnut Posted December 24, 2016 Share Posted December 24, 2016 Facebook are obviously now analysing your photographs in order to provide targetted advertising. It's the only conclusion I can think of based on the amount of cosmetic surgery adverts I've received lately. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold BoD Posted December 24, 2016 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 24, 2016 Facebook are obviously now analysing your photographs in order to provide targetted advertising. It's the only conclusion I can think of based on the amount of cosmetic surgery adverts I've received lately. So that's why they keep asking if I need an ...... erm ...... extension. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allegheny1600 Posted December 24, 2016 Share Posted December 24, 2016 How many forum members do you need to change a light bulb? Answer: 152! One to replace the incandescent and posts in the off topic that it was replaced. 14 who have had similar experiences and suggest how the pear shape could be changed differently. 7 who point to dangers when changing, 1 the madman who claims to have known the man who originated the incandescent. 8 which point to typos and grammatical errors in the previous contributions, 12 who hurl their hatred against the grammar fanatics and insult them as arrogant impostors, 25 the spelling mistakes In the previous postings. 6 discussing whether it is called a light bulb or incandescent body. 6 others who abuse the previous 6 as anully-fixated. 3 old forum members who know that the light bulb discussion took place two years ago, cite people who no one knows, and accuse the originator of the sequence to have stolen the whole thing to get similar fame as the person at that time. 32 which point out that the light bulb discussion was not off-topic and should have been posted somewhere else. 9 who log in to troll and use the comments of their declared favorite enemies to use the favor of the hour to discredit them. 4 friends and sympathizers of the attacked members who call the trolls a cowardly pack who do not have the courage to recognize itself and to make guesses about who could have written that now. 8 who post 50 posts within the hour. They all share the same opinions, but they talk past each other and answer very wisely, although they seem to ask themselves all the time how the meaning is now meant. 7, which have only been attracted to the discussion by the large number of postings and have just read the last two comments of the posting sequence, in order to get their bearings right now, because they want to participate in a heated debate. 9 the seven previous ones explain that all this has either already been said or adequately reproved. PS Any similarities with actually existing forums are purely random ... 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
cromptonnut Posted December 24, 2016 Share Posted December 24, 2016 I'm in trouble again. Got sent out for some crackers to go with Christmas dinner. Apparently Jacob's are the wrong ones. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
BG John Posted December 24, 2016 Share Posted December 24, 2016 ...... to use the favor of the hour to discredit them...... This is a British forum. How dare you use foreign spelling . Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium newbryford Posted December 24, 2016 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 24, 2016 How many forum members do you need to change a light bulb? Answer: 152! One to replace the incandescent and posts in the off topic that it was replaced. 14 who have had similar experiences and suggest how the pear shape could be changed differently. 7 who point to dangers when changing, 1 the madman who claims to have known the man who originated the incandescent. 8 which point to typos and grammatical errors in the previous contributions, 12 who hurl their hatred against the grammar fanatics and insult them as arrogant impostors, 25 the spelling mistakes In the previous postings. 6 discussing whether it is called a light bulb or incandescent body. 6 others who abuse the previous 6 as anully-fixated. 3 old forum members who know that the light bulb discussion took place two years ago, cite people who no one knows, and accuse the originator of the sequence to have stolen the whole thing to get similar fame as the person at that time. 32 which point out that the light bulb discussion was not off-topic and should have been posted somewhere else. 9 who log in to troll and use the comments of their declared favorite enemies to use the favor of the hour to discredit them. 4 friends and sympathizers of the attacked members who call the trolls a cowardly pack who do not have the courage to recognize itself and to make guesses about who could have written that now. 8 who post 50 posts within the hour. They all share the same opinions, but they talk past each other and answer very wisely, although they seem to ask themselves all the time how the meaning is now meant. 7, which have only been attracted to the discussion by the large number of postings and have just read the last two comments of the posting sequence, in order to get their bearings right now, because they want to participate in a heated debate. 9 the seven previous ones explain that all this has either already been said or adequately reproved. PS Any similarities with actually existing forums are purely random ... 153. I'm following this with interest................. Cheers, Mick Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Two_sugars Posted December 25, 2016 Share Posted December 25, 2016 I'm in trouble again. Got sent out for some crackers to go with Christmas dinner. Apparently Jacob's are the wrong ones. Ritz or Tuc? 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
emac Posted December 26, 2016 Share Posted December 26, 2016 FROG - haw haw* This Ought to Make All Grandpas Feel All Warm and FuzzyA six-year-old goes to the hospital with her mother to visit her Grandpa. When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her mother and bursts into her Grandpa's room. "Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly, "as soon as my mother comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!""What?" said her Grandpa."Make a noise like a frog because my mum said that as soon as you croak,we're all going to Disney World! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Colin_McLeod Posted December 26, 2016 Author RMweb Gold Share Posted December 26, 2016 When does the warm and fuzzy feeling kick in? lol Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Downendian Posted December 26, 2016 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 26, 2016 Having had rather an overdose of Christmas cracker jokes, but these were some that made me laugh Why don't you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they are so good at it. My optician has told me I'm colour blind. It came as a bit of a bolt out of the purple. They may have been seen somewhere in these 200+ pages, so apologies if this is the case. Merry Xmas everyone. Neil 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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