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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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There is nothing worn under the kilt; it all works perfectly.

But considering that whisky appears to make male chickens lay eggs, what does it do to the working parts of male humans? It may work perfectly, but is it natural?

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To refer back to the somewhat confused premise of the original joke- 

 

I give my pet chicken whiskey.

 

He lays scotch eggs.

 

If that's a possible effect on sexuality of imbibing whiskey, I'm glad that I've remained faithful to good Scotch whisky !

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can someone from Liecester please pass this on to Keith Vaz i here he gives a good price for 22 yearold Escorts 

You've made me get all nostalgic now. I wish I still had my now 23 year old Escort. Unfortunately I gave her away, and the new user seems to have knackered her. She was one of the best rides I ever had.

 

And I really am talking about a 1.8LXi Estate, and not what you probably think :)

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Soldier, Sailor and Airman. All die on the same day and end up outside the pearly gates. Saint Peter is stood there and says " before you can come in you have to tell me what you've done in your life's"

So RAF chap goes first and says , I served my country for 22 years, married a lady, had two children , went to church every Sunday and only drank at weddings and funerals.

St. Peter says "OK, you're in stand over there"

Next Pongo steps forward and tells St. Peter what he'd done.

I served my country for 22 years, married twice, had 4 kids and only drank at week ends.

St. Peter says "OK, you're in stand over there"

St. Peter turns round and Jack is walking back down the cloudy stairs.

St. Peter says "Where you going"

Jack replies "I ain't got no chance"

St. Peter says "No, no you have to play the game"

Jack says ok. "Well ermmm I served my country for 22 years, married 3 times had 6 children, went with stacks of "ladies of the night" in loads of different countries and even been with a kitie and was pissed every night.

St. Peter turns to the Pongo and the Crab and says "You two are duty watch; me and Jack are going ashore"

Edited by EHertsGER
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Actually it was a response to the post that was originally above it. That post quite obviously had nothing to do with this thread.

But now it's been removed it looks as though all the comments relate to my desire to have my 23 year old escort again!

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But now it's been removed it looks as though all the comments relate to my desire to have my 23 year old escort again!

I'm completely confused as I can still see the post with the photo of the Ford Escort which fitted very well in this thread. It being a joke...

 

 

Andi

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I'm completely confused as I can still see the post with the photo of the Ford Escort which fitted very well in this thread. It being a joke...

 

 

Andi

Post 4687 onwards refer to a comment that was after my post 4686, that has been deleted because it was in the wrong topic, and was nothing at all to do with Escorts of any sort! I'm now getting confused by trying to unconfuse the situation, and it will probably end up even more confusing because of everyone's confusion over it!

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I give my pet chicken whiskey.

 

He lays scotch eggs.

 

Do pets like whiskey made from chickens then? And does it cause the male pets to lay scotch eggs? What type of pet are we actually talking about, a cat, a dog, a budgie? We must be told, damn it!

 

;)

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Post 4687 onwards refer to a comment that was after my post 4686, that has been deleted because it was in the wrong topic, and was nothing at all to do with Escorts of any sort! I'm now getting confused by trying to unconfuse the situation, and it will probably end up even more confusing because of everyone's confusion over it!

Now I'm totally confused.

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A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting all of the right tools, she headed toward the nearest frozen lake. After getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice. 

 

Then from the heavens a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.” 

 

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of hot chocolate and started to cut yet another hole in the ice. 

 

The voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.” 

 

This time quite scared, the blonde moved to the far end of the ice. Then she started another hole and

once again the voice said, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”

 

The very scared blonde raised her head and said, "Is that you, Lord?"

 

The voice answered, "NO. IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK."

Edited by shortliner
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14212651_10155350178967316_7002428600940

 

can someone from Liecester please pass this on to Keith Vaz i here he gives a good price for 22 yearold Escorts 

 

ooh - close to a political joke. Good job you didn't post that in the things that make me :) thread otherwise you'll be incurring the wrath of the deleting moderator................

 

Cheers,

Mick

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