RMweb Gold Dagworth Posted June 30, 2016 RMweb Gold Share Posted June 30, 2016 I have a Polish friend who is a sound engineer I have a Czech one too.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horsetan Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 I have a Polish friend who is a sound engineer I have a Czech one too.... My colleague is handling the divorce of a couple from Warsaw. Once the decree absolute is issued, they'll be Poles apart. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcm@gwr Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 My wife just accused me of having an affair with a woman from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantisiliogogoch. I don't know how she could say such a thing! 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Jamiel Posted July 1, 2016 RMweb Premium Share Posted July 1, 2016 A while ago I noticed that on Hattons Facebook page one of the their OO gauge discounted items was 'People Civil', I asked them if they also had 'People Abusive'? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinty3f Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 A while ago I noticed that on Hattons Facebook page one of the their OO gauge discounted items was 'People Civil',Are these the ones which come with a complementary figure?JD Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium BR60103 Posted July 2, 2016 RMweb Premium Share Posted July 2, 2016 Did I say this one before? One of the CBC's staff announcers would be reading the Farm Report, and having given the price for "Chickens, Dressed" would, in a horrified voice, supply "Chickens, Undressed". Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted July 6, 2016 Share Posted July 6, 2016 CATHOLIC GOLF Catholic or not you have to laugh at this one. A Catholic priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon off and enjoying a round of golf. The priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty swing. He missed the ball entirely and said ", I missed." The good Sister told him to watch his language. On his next swing, he missed again. ", I missed." "Father, I'm not going to play with you if you keep swearing," the nun said tartly.. The priest promised to do better and the round continued. On the 4th tee, he misses again. The usual comment followed. Sister is really mad now and says, "Father John, God is going to strike you dead if you keep swearing like that.." On the next tee, Father John swings and misses again. ", I missed." A terrible rumble is heard and a gigantic bolt of lightning comes out of the sky and strikes Sister Marie dead in her tracks. And from the sky above comes a booming voice . “, I missed” 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Sidecar Racer Posted July 6, 2016 RMweb Premium Share Posted July 6, 2016 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RJS1977 Posted July 6, 2016 Share Posted July 6, 2016 Worse still, it was a convertible with the top down.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium newbryford Posted July 7, 2016 RMweb Premium Share Posted July 7, 2016 Worse still, it was a convertible with the top down.... Or a Ferrari......... (Google blonde Porsche joke) Cheers, Mick Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Jamiel Posted July 9, 2016 RMweb Premium Share Posted July 9, 2016 (edited) Sorry if this has been posted before, a bit 'vintage' I know. A long married couple are making love, when the man stops and says to his partner.'I think we are getting stale, could you try liven things up a little.''What do you mean?' asks his wife. 'Perhaps you should try moaning a little' he suggests. They re-engage and the wife starts. 'You've still not fixed that shelf in the kitchen, this ceiling needs repainting, you spend too much time in your shed........' Edited July 9, 2016 by Jamiel 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Jamiel Posted July 9, 2016 RMweb Premium Share Posted July 9, 2016 (edited) An artistic joke for you.Q. Who make the best post-impressionists?A. The Poles. Edited July 10, 2016 by Jamiel Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted July 9, 2016 RMweb Premium Share Posted July 9, 2016 you spend too much time in your shed........' I wonder why? 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted July 10, 2016 Share Posted July 10, 2016 my girlfiend asked me what the female equivalent to a man cave would be ? i replied " SIMPLE, THE KITCHEN " Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
laurenceb Posted July 10, 2016 Share Posted July 10, 2016 my girlfiend asked me what the female equivalent to a man cave would be ? i replied " SIMPLE, THE KITCHEN " It has been nice knowing you, any last requests? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeeleyBridge Posted July 10, 2016 Share Posted July 10, 2016 It has been nice knowing you, any last requests? Any chance of a nice cup of tea? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
cromptonnut Posted July 10, 2016 Share Posted July 10, 2016 I went to visit my friend John the farmer the other day. As I walked up the driveway I heard a strange noise coming from the barn so I went to investigate. I found John holding a whip and wearing a leather thong, all oiled up, gyrating in front of his Massey Ferguson to some music. "What on earth are you doing?" I asked a startled John. "Well," he blushed, "me and the wife have been having a bit of trouble in the bedroom lately so I went to see a specialist and he suggested I do something sexy to a tractor, but I'm not sure it's working". As an aside, as a young lad I was Massey Ferguson mad. Had models, posters, magazines, clothing, the lot - you name it, I had it. But I guess I grew out of it as I got older so you can say I'm an ex tractor fan. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted July 10, 2016 RMweb Premium Share Posted July 10, 2016 my girlfiend asked me what the female equivalent to a man cave would be ? i replied " SIMPLE, THE KITCHEN " I marked that one 'Friendly/Supportive in anticipation. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluebottle Posted July 10, 2016 Share Posted July 10, 2016 !!!!NEWSFLASH!!!! Belgian air-crash! A two-seater ultra light aircraft crashed unexpectedly in a local grave yard last night. Authorities have so far recovered the remains of 89 persons. The cause of this mass casualty is as yet unknown, but investigators will continue to look for bodies. I seem to remember reports of a number of similar accidents in Ireland ... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
34theletterbetweenB&D Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 my girlfiend asked me what the female equivalent to a man cave would be ? i replied " SIMPLE, THE KITCHEN " Just in case the full effect has not been obtained, it might be worth deploying this tried and tested trilogy. Why do women marry in white?/So they match the kitchen appliances Why do women have smaller feet than men?/So that they can stand closer to the sink Why are women shorter than men?/So they don't bump their heads on the cooker hood I seem to remember reports of a number of similar accidents in Ireland ... Many such jokes are fully transportable. The record holder - which a polyglot of prodigious capability (73 current languages!) claimed worked in various languages drawn from eight different language groups - may be: What do you call a group of < insert butt of humour here > standing on top of a hill? A thicket. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
andytrains Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 (edited) They're going to start playing porn at petrol stations. This is so you can watch someone else being fukk@d at the same time as you. A teacher in class notices a little puddle below Julies chair. "Julie, why didn't you put your hand up?" "I did, Miss, but it just ran through my fingers." Early this morning, there was a tap on my door. My plumber has a funny sense of humour. I was walking through the cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said "morning." He replied, "No, just having a sh!t." I hate it when after a night of drinking, I wake up next to someone and not being able to remember her name, or how or where we met, or why she is dead. Edited July 11, 2016 by andytrains Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted July 12, 2016 Share Posted July 12, 2016 my Ex-girlfiend asked me what the female equivalent to a man cave would be ? i replied " SIMPLE, THE KITCHEN " Just put that one right for you... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wacol Posted July 12, 2016 Share Posted July 12, 2016 Late in the night, he finally regained consciousness. He was in the hospital, in terrible pain. He found himself in the ICU with tubes in his nose, needles and IV drips in both arms, a breathing mask, wires monitoring every function, and a nurse hovering over him. He realized that he was obviously in a life-threatening situation. The nurse gave him a serious, deep look, straight into his eyes, then spoke to him slowly and clearly, enunciating each word and syllable, "You may not feel anything from the waist down." Somehow he managed to mumble a reply, "Can I feel your t*ts then?" .....and that, my friend, is a POSITIVE ATTITUDE! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted July 12, 2016 Share Posted July 12, 2016 my girlfiend asked me what the female equivalent to a man cave would be ? i replied " SIMPLE, THE KITCHEN " I am sure there are a few Tory MPs that thought that if Andrea Leadsom can't stand the heat she should get back in the kitchen (is that not how the saying goes) Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ParkeNd Posted July 12, 2016 Share Posted July 12, 2016 What search description did you put into Google to find that clip then? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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