peanuts Posted March 12, 2016 Share Posted March 12, 2016 My next door neighbour just confronted me about missing items from her washing line. I nearly crapped her pants Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Colin_McLeod Posted March 12, 2016 Author RMweb Gold Share Posted March 12, 2016 Question for today. Why does Bugs Bunny wear no clothes yet when he goes swimming he puts on a pair of trunks? 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 Did you here that the crooner mick hucknall has been arrested for molesting mrs bunny Apparently he was caught holding back here ears and singing "bunny a to tight to mention " Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve1 Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 A wee bit of Scottish Compassion A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs. Three women, from England , Wales , and Scotland , were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man. The English woman said "Have you ever had a hug?" The man said "No," so she gave him a hug and walked on. The Welsh woman said, "Have you ever had a kiss?" The man said, "No," so she gave him a kiss and walked on. The Scottish woman came to him and said, "'ave ya ever been f**ked, laddie?" The man broke into a big smile and said, "No". She said, "Aye, well ya will be when the tide comes in." That is far too close to the truth! steve Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted March 13, 2016 RMweb Premium Share Posted March 13, 2016 Hillbilly couple Mary-Lou and Billy-Bob were expecting their first baby. On the day the doctor and midwife were called and eventually the doctor came out to tell Billy-Bob that he had a healthy son, just then the midwife called out "Theres another on the way." This time it was a girl to be followed by another boy. After the celebrations the happy couple were discussing the multiple birth as neither of their families had had even twins before. Billy-Bob said "I know why it is, remember when we ran out of vaseline and we used 3-in-1 oil instead, I think that is the reason." Mary-Lou answered "Just as well we didn't use WD40 then." Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 Question for today. Why does Bugs Bunny wear no clothes yet when he goes swimming he puts on a pair of trunks? Donald Duck didn't wear trousers, either.... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted March 13, 2016 RMweb Premium Share Posted March 13, 2016 Donald Duck didn't wear trousers, either.... You've heard the expression 'tighter than a ducks @rse, and thats watertight'. Therefore he didn't need them. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
28XX Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 Nor Winnie the Pooh Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
andytrains Posted March 14, 2016 Share Posted March 14, 2016 Barry answers the phone, and it's the Hospital A & E doctor. The doctor says: "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life." Barry says, "My God. What's the good news?" The doctor says, "I'm only joking. She's dead." Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Sidecar Racer Posted March 16, 2016 RMweb Premium Share Posted March 16, 2016 The Old Cowboy: A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and chatting among friends. Suddenly, in a flash of light, Satan appeared in front of the congregation! Everyone started screaming and running for the exits, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from the evil incarnate. Soon the church was empty except for one elderly cowboy who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?' The old cowboy replied, 'Yep, sure do.’ 'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked. 'Nope, sure ain't.' said the cowboy. 'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan. 'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone. 'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?' persisted Satan. 'Yep,' was the calm reply. 'And you are still not afraid?' asked Satan. 'Nope,' said the old cowboy. More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why aren't you afraid of me?' The old cowboy calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister for 48 years.' 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Jamiel Posted March 17, 2016 RMweb Premium Share Posted March 17, 2016 In these days of political correctness I do miss the days when the Ford motor company used to name its cars after sex workers and porn mags, Escort and Fiesta. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
cromptonnut Posted March 17, 2016 Share Posted March 17, 2016 In these days of political correctness I do miss the days when the Ford motor company used to name its cars after sex workers and porn mags, Escort and Fiesta. Yes whatever happened to the Ford Men Only car? 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted March 17, 2016 Share Posted March 17, 2016 Yes whatever happened to the Ford Men Only car?They disguised it as the XR3i. Well it was driven by w***ers.... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Jamiel Posted March 17, 2016 RMweb Premium Share Posted March 17, 2016 While being a bit politically incorrect, here is quite a vintage joke.A very buxom young lady goes to the doctor for a checkup.After he has done all his checks he says 'I hope you don't mind my commenting, but you really do have remarkable breasts, would you mind if I weighed them?''No not at all.' says the young lady, looking quite proud.The doctor stands back and at the top of his voice shouts 'WHEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAYYYYYYY' Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
BG John Posted March 17, 2016 Share Posted March 17, 2016 They disguised it as the XR3i. Well it was driven by w***ers.... I used to be a walker as well when I had my XR3i. 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted March 17, 2016 Share Posted March 17, 2016 I used to be a walker as well when I had my XR3i.yeah, they weren't all that reliable, either Hope you don't drive a BMW, now. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
BG John Posted March 17, 2016 Share Posted March 17, 2016 yeah, they weren't all that reliable, either Hope you don't drive a BMW, now. I had it for a good few years, and it was very reliable. As was the XR3 I had a few years earlier. I liked their ability to keep you alive in head-on collisions (not caused by me!). I've never even driven a BMW. I used to work next to their offices in Bracknell, and BMWs were as common as muck locally, so they never appealed to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Enterprisingwestern Posted March 17, 2016 RMweb Gold Share Posted March 17, 2016 In these days of political correctness I do miss the days when the Ford motor company used to name its cars after sex workers and porn mags, Escort and Fiesta. The Nissan Juke is named after a brothel so at least one manufacturer is upholding the tradition. Mike 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcm@gwr Posted March 17, 2016 Share Posted March 17, 2016 I always thought that particular Nissan was a spelling mistake, I just wasn't sure if they mistakenly substituted a 'U' for an 'O', or a 'J' for a 'P'! 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 And you have the infamous case of the Mitsubishi Pajero, The brains trust in charge of naming cars for Mitsubishi thought they had a winner naming it after a wildcat, the "Pampas Cat". What they didn't know however was that Pajero in Latin American Spanish is also a common term of abuse, usually translated as w***er (not walker) or to**er!! This resulted in a quick renaming as the Montero in the US and Shogun in UK Jim Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcm@gwr Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 Similar situation with Fiat, re different meanings. The Strada is called a Ritmo elsewhere, they don't use Strada in Italian speaking countries as it just means road! But I don't know why VW called the Golf a Rabbit in the States. On the other hand, The Standard Motor Co. did change it's name to Triumph (after it bought them), because, in the States, standard means average! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Jamiel Posted March 19, 2016 RMweb Premium Share Posted March 19, 2016 (edited) I know I started this but........ From: http://www.diseno-art.com/news_content/2012/06/whats-in-a-name-the-worst-ever-car-names/ Ford Fiera – In Spanish-speaking Latin American countries Fiera means “ugly old woman”. Chevrolet Nova – In Spanish “no va” means “it won’t go”. To get around this, in Latin American countries the Nova was renamed Caribe. In Spain it was sold as the Corsa. Ford Pinto – When Ford decided to market the Pinto in Brazil they had to perform a hasty name change. Because in Brazil the word “pinto” is a nickname for the male member. Toyota MR2 – Who could be offended by MR2? Well the French it would seem. When spoken, “MR2” would be pronounced “me-re-de”. Or in other words s**t. Toyota’s practical solution. Remove the 2 from all French-market cars. Mazda Laputa – In Spanish “La puta” means “The Prostitute”. VW Jetta – In Italian the letter J is rarely used. Meaning that in some dialects, especially near Naples, the name is pronounced “Letta”. And that translates as “throw away”. Mitsubishi Pajero – In Spain the Pajero is sold as the Montero. Pajero in Spanish is a crude word for mastur-bation Buick LaCrosse – The car is being renamed in Canada, and that’s because in the area around Quebec lacrosse is a slang word for self pleasure. Honda Fitta – In Scandinavian countries the Honda Fitta was hastily renamed after the company found out they’d effectivley named their car the Honda c**t. Nissan Moco – In Spanish “moco” means “mucus”. Opel Ascona – In Galician, a language spoken in the north of Spain, “ascona” translates as a lady’s private area. Rolls Royce Silver Mist – Almost! Rolls Royce dodged a bullet by renaming the Silver Mist to the Silver Shadow just before launch. In Germany “mist” means “manure”. Mitsubishi Starion – Not a bad name, just an accident. It is said that when Mitsubishi were looking to name their new car, they wanted to continue with the horsey theme they’d started with the Colt. However when “Stallion” is said with a heavy Japanese accent it sounds like “Starion”. The badges were ordered and stuck on before anyone spotted the error. And the name literally, and figuratively, stuck. Ford Probe – Oh come on! Do I really need to explain why this was such a bad choice? Edited March 19, 2016 by Jamiel 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve K Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 Mitsubishi Starion – Not a bad name, just an accident. It is said that when Mitsubishi were looking to name their new car, they wanted to continue with the horsey theme they’d started with the Colt. However when “Stallion” is said with a heavy Japanese accent it sounds like “Starion”. The badges were ordered and stuck on before anyone spotted the error. And the name literally, and figuratively, stuck. While I'm sure most of those are true, I'm pretty sure that the Mitsubishi Starion was named after a shortening of "Star Orion", not because some executive mangled the word "stallion". Mind you, from some of the garbled English stuck in the back window of my old grey-import MR2, anything is possible! Here's a link to the Urban Dictionary page, spelling out exactly what was on that sticker: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=dandism Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 What's worse then getting up and putting money on your wife's dressing table? She getting up to look for change Not as bad as jumping out of bed & hiding in the wardrobe when your wife shouts out in her sleep "OMG, it's my husband!!" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 have i told the altzhiemers joke yet ? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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