RhBBob Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 Last week the Prime Minister addressed something called the CBI. In Mandarin or Cantonese ? Or perhaps one of the other six dialects ? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Jamiel Posted November 25, 2015 RMweb Premium Share Posted November 25, 2015 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted November 25, 2015 RMweb Premium Share Posted November 25, 2015 Maria and John took their six-year-old son to the doctor. With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small . After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, “Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.” The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table. “My God, Mum,” he exclaimed, “all for me?” “Just take two,” Mum replied. “The rest are for your father.” Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Colin_McLeod Posted November 25, 2015 Author RMweb Gold Share Posted November 25, 2015 So did the pancakes give him a bigger brain then? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
cromptonnut Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Branches full of Olives, Cheese and Chorizo? Its all part of life's rich Tapas Tree! 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted November 26, 2015 RMweb Premium Share Posted November 26, 2015 So did the pancakes give him a bigger brain then? Oh yeah, I wasn't thinking brain! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluebottle Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Maria and John took their six-year-old son to the doctor. With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small ######. After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, “Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.” The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table. “My God, Mum,” he exclaimed, “all for me?” “Just take two,” Mum replied. “The rest are for your father.” When comics were taking this joke round the Working Men's Clubs of South Yorkshire back in the Sixties, the virile member-enhancing food was bread and dripping. I don't think that pancakes would have done the trick in these parts (or those parts). 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeff alvey Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Colin_McLeod Posted November 26, 2015 Author RMweb Gold Share Posted November 26, 2015 Oh yeah, I wasn't thinking brain! We men are often accused of confusing the two. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Claude_Dreyfus Posted November 26, 2015 RMweb Premium Share Posted November 26, 2015 I've been trying to buy a train ticket online for over an hour now and I'm getting fed up. It keeps asking me, 'Where do you want to go?' So I click on the icon that says 'Home' and then it makes me start again. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Colin_McLeod Posted November 26, 2015 Author RMweb Gold Share Posted November 26, 2015 I would like a return ticket. Where to? Back here of course. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Claude_Dreyfus Posted November 27, 2015 RMweb Premium Share Posted November 27, 2015 When I was a child, my dad tried to force-feed me. After a while, my Mum said, "Just use a spoon, Mike. You're not a Jedi." Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Jamiel Posted November 27, 2015 RMweb Premium Share Posted November 27, 2015 People say that 'Dream Catchers' are totally useless, but I disagree.They are really useful for spotting if the person living there is an idiot. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 Little girl comes running into the kitchen crying. "Mummy, mummy I need some cider" "What do you want cider for my dear, you are only eight years old" replies her mother "I pricked my hand on a thorn bush" says the little girl "But why do you want cider" asks mother "Well" says the girl "my older sister says that when she gets a prick in her hand she can't wait to get it in cider" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeff alvey Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
sir douglas Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 a man walks into a bar.. he sits down, the bartender looks at him. "you look awful mate" "yeah, i just got thrown out of the house by my wife on my daughters birthday" "so what did you do this time?" "i only did what she said, to buy my daughter a teddy bear.. how was i supposed to know she meant the fluffy kind and not a class 14!" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 Have you heard about those new alphabet hand grenades? If one of those goes off it could spell disaster 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold 96701 Posted November 30, 2015 RMweb Gold Share Posted November 30, 2015 The doctor has quarantined me as I have emotional margarine syndrome and it could easily spread. On the mend, however, so should feel butter soon. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RJS1977 Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Reminds me of the story about the guy who dropped a tub of low fat spread on his foot. The doctor told him to rub some of the spread on it every day and to come back and visit him in a week. A week later the guy visits the doctor again and says it still hurts. "Oh," says the doctor. "I can't believe it's not better." Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Two_sugars Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Then there was the guy who had his hearing tested 'cos' he couldn't tell talk from mutter. . . . . . Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
cromptonnut Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 I would like a return ticket. Where to? Back here of course. As I work in a ticket office, that isn't actually that far from the truth sometimes. I get asked for things like a "single, to London only, but with the underground too, coming back later today, for two people - oh and can I also use the buses". Yep, day travelcard (which some people still call a Capitalcard). Or, I'd like to go to Portsmouth - right, what way do you want to go (via Barnham, or via Clapham Junction in this example) and they think about it then say "by train please". It's fun. 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold chris p bacon Posted December 1, 2015 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 1, 2015 As I work in a ticket office, that isn't actually that far from the truth sometimes. I get asked for things like a "single, to London only, but with the underground too, coming back later today, for two people - oh and can I also use the buses". Yep, day travelcard (which some people still call a Capitalcard). Or, I'd like to go to Portsmouth - right, what way do you want to go (via Barnham, or via Clapham Junction in this example) and they think about it then say "by train please". It's fun. Many years ago did some booking office work and whenever a blue rinse came to the window and said "Return to Eastbourne" we'd mutter "Really...are you sure about that" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RJS1977 Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 I can remember someone getting on a train at Reading one time and asking "Is this the train from London to Waterloo?" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Colin_McLeod Posted December 1, 2015 Author RMweb Gold Share Posted December 1, 2015 People at Kent station have been know to enquire where to get the connection to Cork. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Chris116 Posted December 1, 2015 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 1, 2015 I can remember someone getting on a train at Reading one time and asking "Is this the train from London to Waterloo?" Everyone knows London is Paddington! Having worked in London Underground ticket offices for twelve years you would not believe what some people can ask for. Best one recently was a customer who had checked the price online a month earlier and could not understand why the advance fare he claimed he had seen was not available ten minutes before the train departed. The interesting thing is that the route concerned does not have advance fares! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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