RMweb Premium Ian Smeeton Posted November 5, 2015 RMweb Premium Share Posted November 5, 2015 Andy, Andy, Andy, please can we have a groan button, at least on this thread. Pretty Please. Regards Ian 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted November 5, 2015 RMweb Premium Share Posted November 5, 2015 Andy, Andy, Andy, please can we have a groan button, at least on this thread. Pretty Please. Regards Ian Have this one. 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
shortliner Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 Two good old boys, Mick & Paddy, have been promoted from privates to Lance Corporals.Not long afterward, they're out for a walk and Mick says, "Hey, Paddy, there's the NCO Club; let's you and me step in.""But we’re only privates," protests Paddy. "We’re Lance Corporals now," says Mick, pointing to his stripe and pulling him inside."Now, Paddy, I'm a-gonna sit down and have me a drink.""But we're privates," says Paddy."You blind, boy?" asks Mick, pointing again at his stripe."We're Lance Corporals now!" So they have their drink, and pretty soon one of the Army lasses comes up to Mick."You're cute," she says, "and I'd like to date you, but I've got a bad case of gonorrhea.”Mick pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Paddy, go look in the dictionary and see what Gonorrhea means.If it's okay, give me the okay sign."So Paddy goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Mick the big Thumbs Up.Three weeks later Mick is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhea.Mick says to Paddy, "Why did you give me the thumbs up?""Well Mick, in the dictionary, it says gonorrhea affects only the privates and we're Lance Corporals now!" 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Colin_McLeod Posted November 6, 2015 Author RMweb Gold Share Posted November 6, 2015 Short version: Did you hear about the Lance Corporal who thought he was immune to gonorrhoea because it only affects the privates? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeff alvey Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 Based on my calculations, I can retire five years after I die. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 Sick to death of hearing about peoples relationship problems! - all im seeing these days are people constantly breaking up! Some people are on fallout number 4 apparently tsssh! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ParkeNd Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 (edited) Three nuns are in the queue for confession. The first nun went into the confessional and confessed that she had held Brother Patrick's private in her hand. She got three Hail Marys and was sent to wash her hand in holy water. The second nun confessed that she had had Brother Patrick's private in her private and was given ten Hail Marys and sent off to wash her private in holy water. The third nun shouted after her "Can you hold on a couple of minutes so I can go first - I'm going to have to gargle" Edited November 11, 2015 by ParkeNd 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium BR60103 Posted November 11, 2015 RMweb Premium Share Posted November 11, 2015 Hearing endless songs of unrequited love, I concluded that there are no songs of requited love -- they're all too busy moving furniture. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium BR60103 Posted November 11, 2015 RMweb Premium Share Posted November 11, 2015 Offered to any standup comedian for intermission: You married men can now spend 20 minutes pretending you're not watching the door to the ladies restroom. You single guys have no idea what I'm talking about. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Budgie Posted November 11, 2015 RMweb Gold Share Posted November 11, 2015 The Price of Barbie Dolls One day a father on his way home from work suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He stops at a toy store, goes in, and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbies in the display window?' The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95.' The amazed father asks, 'It's what? Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?' The slightly miffed salesgirl rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers, 'Sir, Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's Truck, Ken's House, Ken's Fishing Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Dog, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and an automobile mirror ornament made from Ken's testicles.' Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allegheny1600 Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 One for Jane and other ladies here; What do you call that useless bit of skin at the end of a mans willie? . . . . . . . . The man!! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
cheesysmith Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 In the vein of the last joke Why do women have breasts? So men will talk to them. Why do ugly women have breasts? So men will talk to them. Why do men have nipples? To remind them of the only good thing about a woman. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 In the vein of the last joke Why do women have breasts? So men will talk to them. Why do ugly women have breasts? So men will talk to them. Why do men have nipples? To remind them of the only good thing about a woman. ...and why is a woman's waist called a waist...?? Because it is a waste - you could fit another pair of breasts there..... *sprinting for exit*... 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RhBBob Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 Now that flippancy is so common, shouldn't it be taken seriously ? 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RhBBob Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 I've concluded it must be my age; I can't stand sitting down .. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allegheny1600 Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Chris Eubank has just written a book about Ethics. If it's a success his next one will be about Kent. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
cromptonnut Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 Is the internet in Australia known as "the LAN down under"? 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
cromptonnut Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 I thought I saw a two legged lamb when I woke up first thing this morning. But I was still half asheep. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve1 Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 I thought I saw a two legged lamb when I woke up first thing this morning. But I was still half asheep. Thank you Sean Connery... steve 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
cromptonnut Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 Thank you Sean Connery... steve A book fell on my head. I can only blame my shelf. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluebottle Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 A book fell on my head. I can only blame my shelf. That's better than your first effort! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RJS1977 Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LB7f_kZQ9hY 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted November 15, 2015 RMweb Premium Share Posted November 15, 2015 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtfplBy-YuE Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Jamiel Posted November 16, 2015 RMweb Premium Share Posted November 16, 2015 Following on from some of the jokes on the previous page, a favourite quote from a somewhat jaded Rod Stewart. "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house." 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve1 Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 I always find New Year's Eve stressful.I've been diagnosed with old langxiety. steve 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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