RMweb Gold Colin_McLeod Posted September 26, 2015 Author RMweb Gold Share Posted September 26, 2015 The worst thing about the pig jokes is that it might have ended up in someone's ham sandwich. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RJS1977 Posted September 26, 2015 Share Posted September 26, 2015 The thing I find most amusing about the "pig business" is it seems to be the people (generally,not necessarily on RMWeb) who normally claim not to read the Daily Mail and that nobody should believe a word printed in it seem to be the people who now believe it when it publishes something somebody told Lord Ashcroft a friend of theirs says they saw David Cameron do ;-) (I post this as a humourous observation rather than a political point). Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve K Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 Vorche sprung dirt technique ? Wow - 4 "funny"s and it literally doesn't mean anything. No wonder they say you should never try to analyse humour, I'd be all week trying to dissect that one. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
cromptonnut Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 I went to bed early last night feeling decidedly unwell. Then I had a strange dream, that I was Peter Noone from "Herman's Hermits". Woke up this morning, feeling fine. 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted September 27, 2015 RMweb Premium Share Posted September 27, 2015 Golf JokeOne afternoon Howard accidentally overturned his golf cart.Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a condo on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, "Are you okay, what's your name?""It’s Howard, and I’m okay, thanks," he replied."Howard, forget your troubles. Come up to my condo and rest for awhile, and I'll help you get the cart up later.""That's mighty nice of you," he answered, "but I don't think my wife would like it.""Oh, come on," Elizabeth insisted. She was very pretty, very sexy and so persuasive and Howard was weak."Well okay," he finally agreed, and added, "but my wife. won't like it."After a glass of scotch, and some very creative putting lessons demonstrated by Elizabeth, he thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset.""Don't be silly!" Elizabeth said with a smile, "She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?""Probably still under the cart!" Howard said. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Jamiel Posted September 28, 2015 RMweb Premium Share Posted September 28, 2015 When women walk into a party or social gathering, they look around the room to make sure that no one is wearing the same clothes.When men walk into a party or social gathering, they look around to make sure everyone is wearing the same clothes. 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arthur Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeff alvey Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeff alvey Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
EHertsGER Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 After the VW scandal the government are having an enquiry into why Audi and BMW's have software fitted that only lets Twots drive their cars!!! Is that the one with the telepathic turn signals...? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catweasel Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 1623580_1073291912697508_4837557764783969723_n.jpg I think you need to get out more. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 My friend Gavin died the other day from taking too many tablets for heartburn just cant believe gavisgon Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeff alvey Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom D Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 After all we've heard about the differences between Wenger & Mourinho, I was surprised to see this video clip, perhaps the media has it all wrong........wouldn't be the 1st time https://www.facebook.com/eyefingermedia/videos/988673107838326/ Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merc435 Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 I got searched by the Police in the Nightclub toilets last night. They found a bag of Class A drugs in my pocket. "it's not my fault Officer!" I explained, "Every time I flush them down the toilet, they magically reappear in my trouser pocket" "Yeah right Sonny!" The Officer replied. "Look, i'll prove it" I said. The Officer handed me the bag and I dropped them in the Pan, flushed the toilet and turned to leave the cubicle. "Show me your pockets" Asked the officer. "What for?" I replied. "The Drugs" Replied the Officer. "What drugs?" I said................... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
pH Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 I got searched by the Police in the Nightclub toilets last night. They found a bag of Class A drugs in my pocket. ... "What drugs?" I said................... Based on a true story? 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
andytrains Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 No. It's a joke. Even the thickest of cops would not have fallen for that old one!!!! Well I hope not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Jamiel Posted October 4, 2015 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 4, 2015 One from David Baddiel. "There is only one thing worse than when you accidentally shout out the name of the person you are fantasizing about during sex, and that is when your partner does it."And a quote I can't remember who said it, but have always love this one."I never lie....... unless it is convenient." 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Parked up in Trafford park for my break today and next to my truck just lying there was a carrier bag with a man utd shirt in it what an expensive waste that's is I mean come on the bag cost 5p Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Parked up in Trafford park for my break today and next to my truck just lying there was a carrier bag with a man utd shirt in it what an expensive waste that's is I mean come on the bag cost 5pNot sure I believe that one.... after all, Man. United fans don't actually live in Manchester, do they?? Alledgedly... /coat, hat - gone.... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted October 5, 2015 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 5, 2015 (edited) A grandfather usually drove his 5 year old grand daughter to school. One day he was not feeling too well so his wife drove the little girl to school. That evening the little girl told her parents that travelling with grandma was completely different. When they asked her how it was different she said "Nanny and I didn't see a single ######, blind bastard, foreign prick or ###### (Boris) on the way to school." EDIT the 'censored' word is what you are if you have a caber. Edited October 5, 2015 by PhilJ W Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peter220950 Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 A grandfather usually drove his 5 year old grand daughter to school. One day he was not feeling too well so his wife drove the little girl to school. That evening the little girl told her parents that travelling with grandma was completely different. When they asked her how it was different she said "Nanny and I didn't see a single ######, blind bastard, foreign prick or ###### (Boris) on the way to school." EDIT the 'censored' word is what you are if you have a caber. What, Scotsman? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted October 5, 2015 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 5, 2015 What, Scotsman? No, what you do with it. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluebottle Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 (edited) One from David Baddiel. "There is only one thing worse than when you accidentally shout out the name of the person you are fantasizing about during sex, and that is when your partner does it." And a quote I can't remember who said it, but have always love this one. "I never lie....... unless it is convenient." From “What Time's the Next Swan?” the autobiography of actor Walter Slezak. In full: "I never lie unless it is absolutely necessary. Or convenient." The origin of the title of Slezak's autobiography is amusing; it's from a story about his father Leo, a noted operatic tenor: 'Papa told her [Walter's daughter Erika, I think] about a Lohengrin performance. It was just before his first entrance. He was ready to step into the boat, which, drawn by a swan, was to take him on-stage. Somehow the stagehand on the other side got his signals mixed, started pulling, and the swan left without Papa. He quietly turned around and said: "What time's the next swan?" That story has since become a classic in operatic lore.' Edit: typo. Edited October 5, 2015 by bluebottle 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
sir douglas Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 i lost a good friend last week in an accident, he got his finger caught in a wedding ring 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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