RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted March 20, 2014 RMweb Premium Share Posted March 20, 2014 Latest theory on the missing Malaysian Airlier, the plane has reported to have crash landed on what seems to be a deserted tropical island. However the survivors continued survival is threatened by a number of mysterious entities, including polar bears, an unseen creature that roams the jungle (the "Smoke Monster"), and the island's malevolent inhabitants known as "the Others". They have encountered a French woman named Danielle Rousseau who was shipwrecked on the island 16 years before them and is desperate for news of someone called Alex. They have also found a mysterious metal hatch buried in the ground. And you thought it was fiction...... Perhaps you mean something like this? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
C&WR Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 Real scratchbuilding: Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
EHertsGER Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 A chicken walked into a library one day. It went up to the librarian and said "Book, book, book, book" as one would expect from a chicken in a library. Naturally, the librarian give the chicken four books. The chicken left the library. The next day the same chicken came into the library and said to the librarian "Book, book, book, book, book. Book." The librarian gave the chicken six books, the last of which was particularly large, as you can tell from the chicken's accent. The following day the same thing happened. Chicken. Librarian. Books. And so on until the end of the week. At this point the librarian was becoming curious as to why the chicken needed so many books. Above all was the librarian's concern that none of these books were ever returned. Thus, on the Friday, once the chicken had come to the library and been issued with the requested number of books, the librarian decided to follow the chicken to find out what was happening to the books. So, the librarian followed the chicken out of the library, along the high street, down behind the gas works, along a footpath, across the playing fields and down to the towpath of the canal. The chicken went along the towpath until it came to a bridge, whereupon it began to throw the books into the water. The librarian's curiosity had the better of her, so she crept closer. Drawing nearer, she noticed a frog on a lily pad in the middle of the canal under the bridge. The chicken was actually throwing the books to the frog. The frog was looking at each as it came towards it and declaring "Read it!", "Read it!".... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horsetan Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 Real scratchbuilding: Can't see the subject. Or do we have to scratchbuild it? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
C&WR Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 Can't see the subject. That T scale is a right beggar, isn't it... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted March 20, 2014 RMweb Premium Share Posted March 20, 2014 Can't see the subject. Or do we have to scratchbuild it? I thought it was my computer but apparently not. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
C&WR Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 It was a still from the original Flight of the Phoenix. It showed on my PC when I fist posted it, but then disappeared! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted March 21, 2014 RMweb Premium Share Posted March 21, 2014 It was a still from the original Flight of the Phoenix. It showed on my PC when I fist posted it, but then disappeared! If you used your fingers instead of your fist it might work? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
PGC Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 A plane took off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH MY GOD!" Silence. Then, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking the flight-attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger retorted: "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
PGC Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 A recent national survey of Canadians shows that residents of the Eastern side of the country have more frequent sex than those in the west. The survey found that in Newfoundland, Nova Scotia, New Brunswick and Prince Edward Island, sexual activity peaks at an average 8.28 times per month, while in Quebec frequency drops to an average 7.78 couplings per month and continues to slowly drop the further west you head (if you’ll pardon the pun!) until one reaches British Columbia, where the average is 6.57. Those surveyed, however, had no cause for complaint. 75 per cent of the respondents said they are "satisfied" with their sex lives. The moral: Long after the Titanic, more men still go down in the North Atlantic than in the North Pacific. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
PGC Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 The European Union Commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short). In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go. By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu vrit and understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
QRModeller Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Colin_McLeod Posted March 22, 2014 Author RMweb Gold Share Posted March 22, 2014 Surely you meant to say "Und nach dem fünften Jahr werden wir alle Deutsch sprechen, wie sie in erster Linie wollten." 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted March 22, 2014 RMweb Premium Share Posted March 22, 2014 Never mind the funny German jokes, the goings on at Stamford Bridge with the French expats, is much funnier! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluebottle Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Surely you meant to say "Und nach dem fünften Jahr werden wir alle Deutsch sprechen, wie sie in erster Linie wollten." I'm with Mark Twain on this one: "I can understand German as well as the maniac that invented it, but I talk it best through an interpreter." 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
N15class Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 (edited) Never mind the funny German jokes, the goings on at Stamford Bridge with the French expats, is much funnier! I thought it was the Vikings at Stamford Bridge, and the French at Hastings. Edit poor spelling. Edited March 22, 2014 by N15class Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Two_sugars Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Mais non! . . . . . Les fracais est dans leParc du Sant James . . Marra . . . . . Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 David Cameron walks into a branch of Barclays Bank to cash a cheque. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning, miss, could you please cash this cheque for me?"Cashier:"It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?"Cameron: "Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am David Cameron, the leader of the Conservative Party and Prime Minister of the U.K.!!!!"Cashier:"Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements of the legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID."Cameron: Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am."Cashier: "I am sorry, Mr. Cameron but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."Cameron:"Come on dear . I am urging you, please, to cash this cheque."Cashier: "Look Mr. Cameron, here is an example of what we can do.One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his cheque.Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racket and made a fabulous shot whereas the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that shot we cashed his cheque.So, Mr. Cameron , what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you?Cameron stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank...there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do and I don't have a clue."Cashier: "Will that be large or small notes , Mr. Cameron? 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horsetan Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 If you make mistakes when preparing a wedding cake, does the whole thing end in tiers? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
lightengine Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 South African bathroom door lock. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
EHertsGER Posted March 29, 2014 Share Posted March 29, 2014 First of all you need to appreciate the Boston (MA) accent to appreciate this. Watch 'The Departed' to see what I mean... Anyway... National statistics revealed that there was a marked reduction in the death of crows in Boston as a result of traffic accidents. Needless to say the illustrious academics of Harvard university were soon on the case? Said University conducted a study to establish the reasons behind this anomaly. The results revealed that crows were quite smart. Having a propensity for carrion, crows would often take advantage of what we call 'road kill' but in doing so expose themselves to the risk of being run over, thereby becoming road kill themselves. To counter this, bands of crows would sit on a nearby perch and warn the crow whose turn it was to eat of approaching vehicles. Further study, however, revealed that the was marked difference in crow fatalities between crows struck by automobiles and those struck by commercial vehicles. Observations in the course of this study revealed that crows do, indeed have a word for 'Car!' ('Cah!' In Bostonese) thus warning the crow eating the road kill, but did not have a word for 'Truck!'.... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted March 29, 2014 RMweb Premium Share Posted March 29, 2014 Further study, however, revealed that the was marked difference in crow fatalities between crows struck by automobiles and those struck by commercial vehicles. Observations in the course of this study revealed that crows do, indeed have a word for 'Car!' ('Cah!' In Bostonese) thus warning the crow eating the road kill, but did not have a word for 'Truck!'.... Well the late Graham Kennedy (Australian TV show host) had no problems with a crow call that rhymed with 'truck'. It got him banned from live TV shows & he had to record them! http://www.onlymelbourne.com.au/melbourne_details.php?id=3199#.UzZdg84ytMA Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
PGC Posted March 29, 2014 Share Posted March 29, 2014 Little Johnny strikes again! Teacher: "Class, today's assignment is to spell and use the word 'DOUGH' in a sentence." "Jane, you go first" Jane: "Italians make pizza with dough.." Teacher: Very good, Jane... Now let's hear from Mary. Mary: "My brother makes things with play dough." Very good, Mary.. Little Johnny is waving his hand wildly. Teacher: "Yes, Johnny, do you have something constructive to add? (note the tone of condescension!) "My mom says my dad doesn't make enough dough, and he's bloody hopeless in bed, so she has to use a dill dough". Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
PGC Posted March 29, 2014 Share Posted March 29, 2014 A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint (as they do!) when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, 'Hey Koala! What are you doing?'The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.' So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints. After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' and that he was going to get a drink from the river.The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned over too far and fell into the river. A crocodile saw this, swam over to the little lizard, helped him to the side, then asked the little lizard, 'What's the matter with you?'The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too stoned and fell into the river while taking a drink..The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said, 'Hey Koala!'So the koala looked down at him and said, 'Bl**dy hell, How much water did you drink!?' Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonB Posted March 30, 2014 Share Posted March 30, 2014 (edited) Three Aussie blokes, Mongrel, Coot and Bluey are working up on an outbackmobile phone tower.As they start their descent, Coot slips, falls off the tower and is killedinstantly.As the ambulance takes the body away, Bluey says, 'Well, Bu@@er me, someone'sgotta go and tell Coot's wife.Mongrel says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.'Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of beer.Bluey says, 'Where'd you get the grog, Mongrel?''Coot's wife gave it to me,' Mongrel replies.'That's unbelievable, you told the missus her husband was dead and she gave youa case of beer?''Well, not exactly', Mongrel says, 'When she answered the door, I said to her,"you must be Coot's widow." She said, 'You must be mistaken. I'm not a widow.'Then I said, 'I'll betcha a case of beer you are.'Aussies are good at that sensitive stuff. Edited March 30, 2014 by DonB 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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