Early Risers.

[J. S. Bach]

48 minutes ago, iL Dottore said:

Those are indeed big beasties. ...snip...

86' long but relative lightly loaded with automobile frames; low-density, high-volume lading.

 

48 minutes ago, iL Dottore said:

 ...snip... But I’m struggling to figure out the drinkable aspect of auto parts. Carburettor smoothies? Engine oil on the rocks? Antifreeze and bitter lemon?

A disguise so that the scumb@gs ignore the car and its load.

 

 

Edited June 14, 2022 by J. S. Bach
To add some information.

[polybear]

Bear's Tuesday Funnies.....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

First off, THANK YOU EVERYONE for your concern. I'm ok, just a little shaken up, but l'll be ok. For those of you who don't know what happened, I was robbed this afternoon at the petrol station. I gathered myself together, my hands were still shaking, I was dizzy and I honestly think I was in shock. My money was gone. I called the Police, they were fantastic and called for medical assistance as my blood pressure was through the roof. The Officer asked me if I knew who did it, and I told them "Yes, it was pump number 2.”

 

Love Island starts again tonight and coincidentally, the number of viewers it will get is precisely the same as the amount of people should not be allowed an opinion about anything ever.

 

Went to the doctor yesterday and told him about my craving for collecting iPads. He gave me some tablets.

 

So there I was on the beach in the rubber dinghy with my kids paddling away from the shore. Next thing I know we are being towed into Dover and given a new house and all these benefits.

 

Former Prime Minister John Major pledged to make Britain a 'classless society'.
Having just spent the afternoon in my local Wetherspoons, I have to say he did a pretty thorough job.

 

Norwich have already sold out of season tickets for next season.
To be fair, they only have to print one family ticket and then 'everyone’s' in.

 

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.
"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
"That little b*stard O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."
"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"
"That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."

 

Wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.
They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doing?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"
"She's in the Ladies Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"
Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real ugly bitch tonight, Dave."

 

After 15 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counselling.
When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in all the years they had been married.
On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.
Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched - with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this”?
"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but I play golf on Fridays."

 

An Eskimo is waiting outside a cinema for his girlfriend, he's freezing and shivering, he opens his coat and takes out a thermometer looks at it and says loudly, if she's not here by minus 15 I'm off.

 

A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organisation.
Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?'
'Well, 'he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired some consultants to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our staff are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.' As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.' I was impressed.
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'

'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the toilet. By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the toilet by 76.39%!

I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back? 'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.

 

Last night my wife sent me a text saying she was in Casualty.
When I got home I watched all 50 minutes of it and never saw her once.
She still hasn't come home yet. I'm starving!!

 

Before becoming famous Bob Dylan and Eric Clapton were parcel delivery drivers in the Welsh valleys.
That is the origin of the song "knock knock knockin' on Evan's door"

[jamie92208]

4 hours ago, simontaylor484 said:

Afternoon all 

 

I have been treated to a Morrisons cafe breakfast as a early father's day treat nice it was too. Only problem was they had no sweeteners for the tea so I ended up forcing down 2 cups of Yorkshire tea minus sweetener.

Then we had a trip to Wakefield for a tin of paint Crown trade Matt mixed and to pick up a couple of colour charts to confirm choices we had made on line due to the screen limitations at £26 A tin I don't want to make a mistake.

 

 

Plagiarism as @iL Dottore and others have said referenced quotes were ok and you had to list a bibliography at the end of a piece of work at Uni.

 

When we did the surveying module there was 1 guy who instead of doing all the calculation himself (all simple but repetitive ideal for excel spreadsheet) 

He copied our grid of survey stations then we nobbled him with the stadia tachometry ie the filling in the objects by making a copy of the spreadsheet and throwing in some glaring errors.

 

Tagging of goods in supermarkets has been done round here for ages most of the tea leaves are smack rats who sell the stuff on cheap to pay for their next fix

When I was a plod in Pontefract the price ofva wrap of heroin in South Elmsall was a 200g jar of Nescafe.  Guess what the item most stolen from the Supermarket  was.

 

Jamie

[J. S. Bach]

15 minutes ago, polybear said:

Bear's Tuesday Funnies..... ...snip...

 

 I saw this in another thread but now i have to ask to please explain this one to me; the green lady is the Queen? but I do not understand the rest.

 

Oh, and the girl is getting out of the Ferrari. I would prefer a blue Ferrari though.

 

 

Edited June 14, 2022 by J. S. Bach
To do a minor edit.

[Coombe Barton]

... Heatwave coming - have they opened the door at a cabinet meeting? ...

 

 

https://johncolby.wordpress.com/2022/06/14/different-and-worse-variant-behaviours/

Edited June 14, 2022 by Coombe Barton
Typoman again

[Tony_S]

29 minutes ago, J. S. Bach said:

 I saw this in another thread but now i have to ask to please explain this one to me; the green lady is the Queen? but I do not understand the rest.

 

 

To demonstrate the end of the jubilee perhaps. The Queen likes Corgi dogs, there was one represented by lit drones during a jubilee concert over Buckingham Palace. Paddington Bear and his sandwiches appeared in a video with the Queen before the concert. The bunting represents I suppose what was put up in many places. 

Edited June 14, 2022 by Tony_S

[45156]

Evening All

 

Just a quick pop in to say good day to you all, to offer greetings as required, and to say that today was the front garden - 30747 would brook no arguments, and the fencing is now cut to size, and the fence posts are all ready to be fitted tomorrow.  It will look a lot better once it's done.

 

Woopidoo - ITV are repeating the excellent McDonald and Dodds all week in preparation for a new series.

 

Regards to All

Stewart

[polybear]

53 minutes ago, J. S. Bach said:

 I saw this in another thread but now i have to ask to please explain this one to me; the green lady is the Queen? but I do not understand the rest.

 

This should help - and yes, it really is the Queen - and yes, it really is Paddington.....

 

 

 

On the subject of Bears, where's @Grizz lately?

[Tony_S]

35 minutes ago, polybear said:

where's @Grizz lately?

I think his last post on here was about his positive Covid test result. 
 

[polybear]

This Bozo (no, not that Bozo) is way, way below dumb.....

 

https://www.plymouthherald.co.uk/news/uk-world-news/car-nothing-right-stopped-carrying-7203853

[The White Rabbit]

9 hours ago, Compound2632 said:

 

"England F..."?

 

BBC Radio 4 extra are rerunning the radio version of the lads' escapades on Mondays at 19.00. 

 

 

[The White Rabbit]

6 hours ago, The Lurker said:

I remember doing an essay at University and it being essentially a whole load of quotes (all cited) strung together with appropriate connecting sentences and words. I was left in no doubt that I was supposed to use the quotes to support my argument rather than let the quotes make the argument for me. 

 

My argument was that I agreed with the quoted person and as they are (usually) better known and more expert than I, they are likely to put the case far better than I can.  

 

Which is probably why my approach was much more popular with the non-academic world than with university staff. It's a fine line between supporting a case with good quotes and just reporting what others had said about X. At university, many lecturers wanted you to be controversial and innovative, even if you reckoned everything which could be said about X had been said and you thought Professor Y had hit the nail on the head when talking about it and his conclusions. When at the world of work, guess what an employer thought about that? 

 

[Ozexpatriate]

1 hour ago, polybear said:

This should help

Nice to see the full clip. (I had seen a shorter version posted by AndyY. The BBC news player wouldn't show it here.)

[woodenhead]

Saved money on an emergency plumber after entering (with key) an empty property to find there had been a flood.

 

With a trusty spanner I fixed the leak and all is now good.

 

At aged over 50, it’s rather late in the day to find you might have been an excellent plumber versus being a coder.

Edited June 14, 2022 by woodenhead

[The White Rabbit]

Evening awl,

 

Fine blue sky here, hope it is also a bit to our east for Simon. A balmy couple of days forecast, then a rather toasty Friday. 

 

For once, a good night's sleep was had, so I felt up to a cautious trip into the hills to stretch the legs. All dogs met were happy and healthy. There's a trailer cafe at a farmyard which seems to open seasonally and the farm has a couple of collies which keep the staff company. A butcher's dog may be fit but a farmer's dog must run them close. 

 

A rare trip out to the Post Office was also made, to despatch a you know what to an ER. The first for a while. I can understand people reining in spending due to worry over the economy (and other things) but sales are very slow, even for heavily discounted items. I am very glad I don't rely on it for my living. The real worry is space - together with all the excess furniture I'm housing while trying to sell it, it's very difficult to do any modelling, which might help unwind a bit and keep the black dog away. 

 

A little G-word done, including clearing a space so I can sit outside and take the air. Bird-baths topped up for the usual suspects.  

 

Now for a little reading not using a screen, then time to get horizontal and try and attract the sandman. 

[PhilJ W]

Evening all from Estuary-Land. The foxes are making the most of the hot sun. They only move around as the sun does but they each have their own patch and woe betide a sibling who occupies another siblings favourite spot. The little one despite being the smallest will have a go and woe betide any sibling who tries to grab his spot. Whereas the others will run away at the slightest noise and movement he will stand his ground.

Edited June 15, 2022 by PhilJ W

[Ozexpatriate]

Today is "Flag day" - one of the stranger commemorative days. Out walking I noticed that many locals have full-sized flags planted next to the street. They didn't go to a lot of trouble to accomplish this, beyond making a donation to the local Boy Scouts who do the heavy lifting. The flags will reappear for the Fourth of July.

 

Apparently the Second Continental Congress took a break writing the Articles of Confederation on June 14, 1777 to pass a resolution defining (in words) what would become the national flag.

Quote

 "Resolved, That the flag of the thirteen United States be thirteen stripes, alternate red and white; that the union be thirteen stars, white in a blue field, representing a new constellation."

This was the more lasting of their efforts, the Articles of Confederation being obsoleted by ratification of the Constitution in 1788.

 

By the way, the only mention of "arms" in the Articles of Confederation is this one:

Quote

... every state shall always keep up a well regulated and disciplined militia, sufficiently armed and accounted, and shall provide and constantly have ready for use, in public stores, a due number of field pieces and tents, and a proper quantity of arms, ammunition, and camp equipage.

(There are other references to arming militia ("in proportion to the number of white inhabitants") along the same lines.

[PhilJ W]

Just watched the cricket, well done England. A virtual runfest towards the end.

[BoD]

9 hours ago, Coombe Barton said:

Sainsbury's, and I assume other supermarkets, tag their joints of meat, even quite small ones. I assume that this practice will increase.

Which rather makes a mockery of their self scan tills and hand held ‘zappers’.  No need to queue at a till any more - just stand around waiting  for the, increasingly scarce, member of staff to come and remove the tags and verify that you are indeed allowed to purchase the product.  I’m not sure that they have thought this one through.

[Barry O]

Just got back from 2 days in Beverley. A nice place - lots of pubs, a nice Minster and loads of shops.

 

Today was cricket - we won't go there as it was not a great game.

 

Fang puller visit first thing tomorrow.. buggggrrrriiiittt!

 

Baz

[Tony_S]

17 minutes ago, BoD said:

Which rather makes a mockery of their self scan tills and hand held ‘zappers’.  No need to queue at a till any more - just stand around waiting  for the, increasingly scarce, member of staff to come and remove the tags and verify that you are indeed allowed to purchase the product.  I’m not sure that they have thought this one through.

I think this is all leading up to every item having some sort of rfid device and you just push the trolley through a reader arch, however I expect the “unexpected item in trolley” would mess the whole system up.  The self service tills at the M&S food store near here were so bad each one needed an assistant  to assist. Perhaps they have sorted them out now. Our shopping now relies on me looking on the high shelf where we keep the things we buy when they are on special offer. Today my search revealed only a couple of boxes of teabags and only one jar of coffee beans. I was surprised about the beans as I thought I had ordered loads lately but Aditi must have used a lot or more likely I ordered them longer ago than I thought. 
I enjoyed the cricket this afternoon, it is fortunate I am on medication for my heart. 
Tony

Edited June 14, 2022 by Tony_S

[simontaylor484]

@The White Rabbit yes we have had the big yellow thing in the sky this afternoon. Grand to see it too.

 

[simontaylor484]

2 minutes ago, Barry O said:

Just got back from 2 days in Beverley. A nice place - lots of pubs, a nice Minster and loads of shops.

 

Today was cricket - we won't go there as it was not a great game.

 

Fang puller visit first thing tomorrow.. buggggrrrriiiittt!

 

Baz

It's a shame The Museum of Army Transport shut there was plenty on display from Longmoor and a captured German rail track ripper too.

 

[PhilJ W]

5 minutes ago, Tony_S said:

I enjoyed the cricket this afternoon, it is fortunate I am on medication for my heart. 
Tony

I watched the highlights this evening though I already knew the result.

[Ozexpatriate]

11 hours ago, Winslow Boy said:

Following up various contributors comments about the lack of parking spaces on developments. There are two main reasons for this;

1. planners don't like them and
2. second developers can squeeze more rabbit hutches onto the development.

The answer is number two. Parking is either lost opportunity cost (no profit-generating space where the parking would be) or exorbitantly adding cost to the development (like underground parking).

 

11 hours ago, Winslow Boy said:

... this same developer was proposing putting football pitches on a flood plain

8 hours ago, The Lurker said:

It makes a change; they normally propose putting houses on floodplains.

Seconded.

 

Perfectly suitable use I think - unless it is 'wetland' habitat and should be protected. Better than homes.

 

At home the rugby fields used by the youngsters and recreational leagues are on a patch of land next to the creek which floods on a regular basis - pretty much any combination of heavy rain and a high tide. The land is named Kitchener Park for Lord Kitchener (of Khartoum) who reviewed 3,000 local troops* very close to that spot in 1910. The area has been Kitchener Park since 1926, so not new.

 

* Including Lighthorsemen who served under him in South Africa during the Boer War.

 

Locally here, a defunct RV park next to the river is now a construction site for what look like condominiums. I am staggered that they got planning permission. If I recall correctly, the RV park was completely inundated in the most serious flooding in recent memory - around 26 years ago. The ground floor is above the level of the terrain, but not by that much.

 

EDIT:
Checking the flood maps, the RV park property was adjacent to the 1996 high water level.

 

Edited June 14, 2022 by Ozexpatriate