The Night Mail

[jamie92208]

3 hours ago, Happy Hippo said:

As the Doctor has pointed out, any complainants are taken into the office so as their complaints can be recorded and something done about it.

 

They always leave completely satisfied and 'stoned'.

I can resemble that.  There was once a young man who came into a certain nick and asked to see the I spector.  Said personage went to the counter and asked what he wanted.   "I want to complain about one of your f**king officers".  At which point the Inspector picked up the, large charge book and hit said young man over the head with it, then told him to go away. 

 

That Inspector was a great bloke. He was a county man and even the city men at that nick looked up to him. 

 

Jamie

 

 

Edited July 23 by jamie92208

[Northmoor]

13 hours ago, iL Dottore said:

And whilst on the topic of the Škoda Yeti, here’s the Top Gear review that clinched the deal

 

And we’re not the only ones to think that the Yeti is near perfect:

 

It does remind me of the Talbot Matra Rancho from about 40 years earlier:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matra_Rancho 

[PhilJ W]

21 minutes ago, Northmoor said:

It does remind me of the Talbot Matra Rancho from about 40 years earlier:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matra_Rancho 

I always fancied a Rancho but the problem they had was rust, in the floorpan in particular. 

[Hroth]

13 hours ago, iL Dottore said:

And whilst on the topic of the Škoda Yeti, here’s the Top Gear review that clinched the deal

 

And we’re not the only ones to think that the Yeti is near perfect:

 

 

Didn't see this earlier...

 

As the bloke said, the 170hp 2l diesel 4x4 Yeti was near perfection.  I didn't realise it was the same powerplant as in the Octavia VRS, but that does explain the Yetis rocketship performance.  Provided the cambelt is changed as required and the car regularly serviced, the engine is thoroughly (fingers crossed) reliable.  And compared with the petrol engine in the review above, does high 40s/low 50s miles per gallon even nigh on 14 years old.  Of course, thrashing it about will drop it to 30-40 mpg but who would do that? 🤔

 

 

[SM42]

The car is packed. 

Ready to go after friend's funeral tomorrow.

 

We should have been in the motherland by now, but we put our trip back so we could pay our respects. 

 

We'll get a couple of hours at the wake before we have to leave for Folkestone. 

 

I'm sat in the garden, enjoying the cooling breeze, with a pint of Off the Rails from the brewery on Hartlebury station.  

 

Mrs SM42 is watching a horror film she recorded. I'm getting the sound track only version outside.

 

Andy

[Winslow Boy]

14 minutes ago, SM42 said:

The car is packed. 

Ready to go after friend's funeral tomorrow.

 

We should have been in the motherland by now, but we put our trip back so we could pay our respects. 

 

We'll get a couple of hours at the wake before we have to leave for Folkestone. 

 

I'm sat in the garden, enjoying the cooling breeze, with a pint of Off the Rails from the brewery on Hartlebury station.  

 

Mrs SM42 is watching a horror film she recorded. I'm getting the sound track only version outside.

 

Andy

You say that with a melancholy sign I take it Andy.

[SM42]

3 minutes ago, Winslow Boy said:

You say that with a melancholy sign I take it Andy.

 

Not the happiest time I'll admit. 

 

 

Andy

[br2975]

1 hour ago, jamie92208 said:

I can resemble that.  There was once a young man who came into a certain nick and asked to see the I spector.  Said personage went to the counter and asked what he wanted.   "I want to complain about one of your f**king officers".  At which point the Inspector picked up the, large charge book and hit said young man over the head with it, then told him to go away. 

 

That Inspector was a great bloke. He was a county man and even the city men at that nick looked up to him. 

 

.

We once had a Superintendent at my Cardiff (punisment) station who hailed from valleys mining stock.

.

Unusual for a man of his rank he would answer the enquiry office phone, and deal with callers at the counter.

.

I answered the phone one morning to an irate member of the public (regular customer) regarding some simple matter but demanding to know what the lazy b*stards at Ely were doing about his problem; especially as "I pays your wages"

.

The Super snatched the phone from my hand, and let fly..............

.

"Why don't you get off your fat arse and drag it down Crossways Road  to the nick, in your untaxed shed of a car and I'll show you what my officers are f***ing well doing !" wasn't the response expected.

.

On addressing a Tutor Constable's course ( of which I was a member ) on the subject of discretion this officers told the class

"Being a Superintendent at Ely counts for f**k all, the only thing that differentiates me from the PCs is that I get a parking space !"

.

He would walk out of the nick at lunchtime to buy a bag of chips, and take his notebook and HORT1 pad with him and book people (report them for summons) if he saw them committing offences.

.

Looking out of his office window one day he watched as a teenage boy walked out into the busy main road, without looking right, but looking left instead.

Bang ! a car took the lad out, hitting him back onto the footpath where he landed on his back.

The Super ran out and unsympatetically berated the bruised and battered  lad "Haven't you ever heard of look right, look left, you stupid **** ?"

The lad looked at the Super and said "Ich spreche kein Englisch, ich bin Deutscher"

He was an exchange student.

.

One day our Reserve Man (enquiry office PC, and this one ran the nick, even the Super did what Steve told him) sidled into the Super's office and said

"The prisoner in the cell wants to make a complaint boss"

"What's his name Steve ?"

"Bird, Sir"

"Leave him to me"

.

The Super unlocked the cell gate, walked into the cell saying "Right you little.............. what the "

Mr Bird was a captured Harris Hawk, sat on the cell bench !

.

And The Met think they have troubles ?

[br2975]

I am but a simple man, who studied English to 'A' Level standard (as it was then).

.

But, even I get confused even irritated by either misuse of the English language, or worse 'new fangled' descriptions based upon 'The King's New Clothes"

.

Tonight whilst perusing what must be the most abysmal news outlet in Christendom, "Wales Online" - I happened on the sorry tale of three 'ladies' from South Wales whose £5,000 Tui package holiday was cancelled due to last weeks worldwide computer issues.

.

"Tammy, who works as a patient flow navigator......" beggared just one question...........................

.

What overpaid imbecile is draining the NHS budget thinking up job titles like this ?

.

.

Edited July 23 by br2975

[monkeysarefun]

10 hours ago, iL Dottore said:

Oooh, that’s cruel…

 

Just think of the unimaginable anguish you’ve just caused to a certain WB of this parish…

 

[monkeysarefun]

2 hours ago, PhilJ W said:

KIA warranty has restrictions such as mileage.

 

 

Your brand-new Kia comes with the assurance of Australia’s First 7 Year Unlimited Kilometre Warranty*, unlike offerings from other car brands which cease to operate after you hit a certain mileage. We knew we had to go the extra mile, because a longer warranty is a better warranty. It’s easy for us to back up our vehicles with the best warranty in the industry. After all, they are built not only to perform but to last.

 

*7 years kilomitre warranty differs for Kia EV models

Edited July 23 by monkeysarefun

[SM42]

The 7 year warranty may seem good value, but Kia are foregoing income as a marketing tool. 

 

Those who offer 3 years and will sell you extra, must have confidence in the product, as £400 quid to cover 2 years if you expect the vehicle to have issues, is, I suspect, poor value. 

 

Honda extended warranties can go out to 10 years. 

Large bills within that time would  have to be less than the £1,200 ish  they take in on warranty extensions. 

 

DMF failure is pushing towards 2k all in for example. 

 

It could be argued that 3 year warranties are a good marketing tool for selling extensions.

 

Andy 

[J. S. Bach]

Night Owl from the Piedmont.

[jjb1970]

I always wanted an Alfa Romeo but could never bring myself to part with money to get one. They have a rare ability to make humdrum saloons and hatchbacks stylish and desirable, despite that I always ended up deciding something dull and boring which I had some confidence in was a better bet. A colleague bought a go faster Guilia a while ago, he tells me the engine was designed by Ferrari and it'll eat a BMW M3. It's a gorgeous car, and I have no doubt it's glorious to drive and has an emotional power that German and Asian cars never seem to match. However,  he's had quite a few issues with it and struggles to talk about their after sales service without heavy use of expletives.

 

The most sensible car I had was a Toyota Corolla Verso. It was the MPV version of the Corolla and had seven seats. The rear two seats were for children or short journeys and it was either seven seats or boot. However,  it did offer the capability to carry seven which was surprisingly useful, and with the rear seats folded into a flat floor the boot was vast, like a van. The centre row seats were three seats, each adjustable and foldable and the upright stance and big door opening was perfect for getting infant carriers in and out. It was painfully boring, I never felt any emotional warmth for it but when the kids were babies and toddlers it was perfect. Yes it was boring, but incredibly sensible and practical which did everything I ever needed it to do. The engine was an example of the right engine in the wrong car, a 1.8vvt with variable timing. Wonderfully free revving and even in an MPV you could feel it coming to life at high revs. In an MPV it felt a bit weak, a diesel with low end grunt would have been better (and let's be honest, MPVs aren't hot hatch crumpet magnets) but in a small hatch or coupe it would have been a wonderful engine. I think it was used in the Celica and MR2.

 

 

[AndyID]

2 hours ago, jjb1970 said:

I always wanted an Alfa Romeo but could never bring myself to part with money to get one. They have a rare ability to make humdrum saloons and hatchbacks stylish and desirable, despite that I always ended up deciding something dull and boring which I had some confidence in was a better bet. A colleague bought a go faster Guilia a while ago, he tells me the engine was designed by Ferrari and it'll eat a BMW M3. It's a gorgeous car, and I have no doubt it's glorious to drive and has an emotional power that German and Asian cars never seem to match. However,  he's had quite a few issues with it and struggles to talk about their after sales service without heavy use of expletives.

 

The most sensible car I had was a Toyota Corolla Verso. It was the MPV version of the Corolla and had seven seats. The rear two seats were for children or short journeys and it was either seven seats or boot. However,  it did offer the capability to carry seven which was surprisingly useful, and with the rear seats folded into a flat floor the boot was vast, like a van. The centre row seats were three seats, each adjustable and foldable and the upright stance and big door opening was perfect for getting infant carriers in and out. It was painfully boring, I never felt any emotional warmth for it but when the kids were babies and toddlers it was perfect. Yes it was boring, but incredibly sensible and practical which did everything I ever needed it to do. The engine was an example of the right engine in the wrong car, a 1.8vvt with variable timing. Wonderfully free revving and even in an MPV you could feel it coming to life at high revs. In an MPV it felt a bit weak, a diesel with low end grunt would have been better (and let's be honest, MPVs aren't hot hatch crumpet magnets) but in a small hatch or coupe it would have been a wonderful engine. I think it was used in the Celica and MR2.

 

 

 

IDSPIDY was supposed to be an Alpha but Alphas have to be made in Italy so they switched it to a 124.

[polybear]

8 hours ago, jamie92208 said:

I can resemble that.  There was once a young man who came into a certain nick and asked to see the I spector.  Said personage went to the counter and asked what he wanted.   "I want to complain about one of your f**king officers".  At which point the Inspector picked up the, large charge book and hit said young man over the head with it, then told him to go away. 

 

That Inspector was a great bloke. He was a county man and even the city men at that nick looked up to him. 

 

Jamie

 

A Buddy is still in the Plod; he once encountered someone who came into the Nick "to mate a complaint about one of their Officers" - at which point the Sergeant climbed over the front desk and decked the Guy.  Problem solved.

 

7 hours ago, Northmoor said:

It does remind me of the Talbot Matra Rancho from about 40 years earlier:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matra_Rancho 

 

a.k.a. Airfix Range Rovers

Only one on the road (2023), with 9 on SORN.

 

5 hours ago, monkeysarefun said:

 

 

There was (still is?) a program called "Aussie Men and their Sheds" on the telly.  Brilliant.

[jjb1970]

They got it right with the 124, Italian flair and style with Japanese manufacturing expertise and quality. As opposed to the heinous Alfa Romeo Arna/Datsun Cherry Europe which combined Japanese flair and design with Italian manufacturing expertise and quality, no, I've no idea who ever thought that was a great idea.

[iL Dottore]

13 hours ago, Happy Hippo said:

As the Doctor has pointed out, any complainants are taken into the office so as their complaints can be recorded and something done about it.

 

They always leave completely satisfied and 'stoned'.

I’m certain that BH Enterprises are most efficient in that area of customer service.

10 hours ago, Dave Hunt said:

 

They leave? You're obviously getting soft in your old age.

 

Dave

They leave, yes - true. But they enter vertical and leave horizontal…

[SM42]

11 minutes ago, iL Dottore said:

 

They leave, yes - true. But they enter vertical and leave horizontal…

 

Ahh! 

 

Free beer. 

 

What customer service. 

 

Or should that be  

 

What? Customer service?

 

Andy

 

 

 

[iL Dottore]

7 hours ago, br2975 said:

 

"Tammy, who works as a patient flow navigator......" beggared just one question...........................

 

There’re two possibilities here 1) it’s a “non-job” - something created to keep the legions of equipped-with-worthless-uni-degrees employed or 2) it’s job title inflation (so PB and HH instead of being “thieving cake snafflers” are now “patisserie disposal operatives”). The title above could refer to a Triage Nurse - although Triage Nurse is a perfectly serviceable job title as is.

[iL Dottore]

9 hours ago, jamie92208 said:

I can resemble that.  There was once a young man who came into a certain nick and asked to see the I spector.  Said personage went to the counter and asked what he wanted.   "I want to complain about one of your f**king officers".  At which point the Inspector picked up the, large charge book and hit said young man over the head with it, then told him to go away. 

 

1 hour ago, polybear said:

 

A Buddy is still in the Plod; he once encountered someone who came into the Nick "to mate a complaint about one of their Officers" - at which point the Sergeant climbed over the front desk and decked the Guy.  Problem solved.

And then the plod wonder why they have an image problem (which turns into a bigger problem as politicians get pressured into “doing something” about the police).
 

As the recent events with the Met and the South Yorkshire police have shown, sometimes the police are their own worst enemy.

[jjb1970]

Might I be able to help? Honest JJB Home Security and Customer Engagement Services Ltd has an exciting new range of home security devices and tools for dealing with whinging customers at our state of the art Singapore showroom (the location of which must remain top secret).

 

From our best selling 'Furious 20' canon, through our mid-range 'Bofors Scroat Buster 40' through our top of the range 'Armageddon 76' we have solutions for all budgets. Worried about burglars and imbeciles turning up at the front desk with pointless and vexatious complaints about Police brutality? You'll never be bothered again if you buy our products, permanent solutions to stop you being bothered by idiots, that's smart solutions from the name you trust - JJB.

 

[TheQ]

15 hours ago, jjb1970 said:

The car manufacturer that has impressed me in recent years is KIA. I remember when they were a laughing stock, but they now have a most excellent range of nicely designed sensible cars with a great ownership package.

They also doubled their prices within a couple of years for the same cars..

[Happy Hippo]

12 minutes ago, jjb1970 said:

Might I be able to help? Honest JJB Home Security and Customer Engagement Services Ltd has an exciting new range of home security devices and tools for dealing with whinging customers at our state of the art Singapore showroom (the location of which must remain top secret).

 

From our best selling 'Furious 20' canon, through our mid-range 'Bofors Scroat Buster 40' through our top of the range 'Armageddon 76' we have solutions for all budgets. Worried about burglars and imbeciles turning up at the front desk with pointless and vexatious complaints about Police brutality? You'll never be bothered again if you buy our products, permanent solutions to stop you being bothered by idiots, that's smart solutions from the name you trust - JJB.

 

This stuff is top quality and is recommended  for those who require a quick but  expensive and messy solution to the problem.

 

BH have a single,windowless, soundproofed room and personally deal with any issues.

 

As SM42 has hinted,  some  valued customers do end up leaving us legless.

 

Although it would be unfair to state they only leave slightly worse for wear.

 

PB has even been known to tear new a***holes. Literally, not figuratively speaking!

 

 

[iL Dottore]

12 minutes ago, Happy Hippo said:

This stuff is top quality and is recommended  for those who require a quick but  expensive and messy solution to the problem.

 

BH have a single,windowless, soundproofed room and personally deal with any issues.

 

As SM42 has hinted,  some  valued customers do end up leaving us legless.

 

Although it would be unfair to state they only leave slightly worse for wear.

 

PB has even been known to tear new a***holes. Literally, not figuratively speaking!

 

 

And if need be, HH and PB can call upon the (ahem) “specialised” skills of iD. Who, equipped with nothing more than a generously sized hypodermic syringe, a pair of dissecting scissors and a handful of some common over the counter medications, can not only make the scrote wish he’d never been born, but also make the scrote’s parents, grandparents and great grandparents wish they’d never been born…