The Night Mail

[SM42]

I am a little deaf this evening.

 

It's my own fault. 

 

Whilst tidying stuff out of the West wing so I can do some painting, I found some tinsel type material that used to be part of the Christmas tree. 

 

Taking advantage of mood lighting in the lounge I approached Mrs SM42 with this cradled in my hands. 

 

"Darling,"  I said " big spider"  and dropped it on her  😆

 

I think the scream will reach Hipposhire in the next few minutes

 

Andy

[Dave Hunt]

When I was in the sixth form in 1963/4 we sometimes used to sneak off at lunchtime and go to the famous Cavern Club in Liverpool, which was only about ten minutes walk from school but was off limits. One day the MC interrupted the band that was playing and announced that our deputy head had been seen on his way to catch the miscreants who were there; how he got the news we never did find out but by the time he got there we were all innocently nowhere near the place. Not only did the school try to stop us from going to the Cavern or any of the other clubs at lunchtime but also declared that we should not go there in the evenings either. Unsurprisingly we took no notice.

 

Dave  

 

[DenysW]

2 minutes ago, SM42 said:

"Darling,"  I said " big spider"  and dropped it on her 

Which part of "Doomed" do you not understand?

[Dave Hunt]

9 minutes ago, SM42 said:

Whilst tidying stuff out of the West wing so I can do some painting, I found some tinsel type material that used to be part of the Christmas tree. 

 

Taking advantage of mood lighting in the lounge I approached Mrs SM42 with this cradled in my hands. 

 

"Darling,"  I said " big spider"  and dropped it on her  😆

 

To quote Captain Mainwaring, "Stupid boy."

 

Dave

[SM42]

7 minutes ago, DenysW said:

Which part of "Doomed" do you not understand?

 

Sorry, can't hear you

 

Andy

[SM42]

1 minute ago, Dave Hunt said:

 

To quote Captain Mainwaring, "Stupid boy."

 

Dave

 

Luckily I was quick enough to dodge her phone that she threw into the air whilst screaming and trying to get out if the chair. 

 

Andy

Still giggling inside

[Tony_S]

18 minutes ago, SM42 said:

 

Sorry, can't hear you

 

Andy

That will be caused by tinsellitis…

[polybear]

12 minutes ago, Dave Hunt said:

 

To quote Captain Mainwaring, "Stupid boy."

 

Dave

 

One of Bear's Form Teachers was an old school b'sterd who took no sh1t - but no violence was involved; his favourite term was "You Blithering Idiot!!"

On his very last day before he retired we were all sitting there quietly, waiting for lessons to start; the next thing we knew the 6ft (8ft?) Fluorescent Light Diffuser(?) from the twin lamp on the (very high) ceiling fell off and whacked him on the bonce.  Boy, did we struggle to keep straight faces.....🤣

[Happy Hippo]

The scream was heard a few moments ago, followed by the arrival of some roundish rather bloodied hemispheres in the Oak tree.

 

I await the second anguished scream.

[SM42]

I have redeemed  myself by rebooking our next trip to the motherland. 

 

It was all arranged. 

 

Mrs SM42 had wangled an extra day off, but neglected to mention  it was not guaranteed. 

 

Cue two of her colleagues being allocated hospital appointments, in the space of the week  on that day and hence day off cancelled 

 

365 days to choose from and the local NHS pick that one. 

 

Twice

 

Andy

[Northmoor]

2 hours ago, Gwiwer said:

The metalwork master who threw lumps of mild steel at you across the workshop;

It's amazing I ended up inspired to study Engineering considering how appalling our "craft" teachers were.  The metalwork teacher communicated in a series of monotone grunts and had one facial expression which matched them.  The woodwork teacher meanwhile, would nowadays be prevented from working with children because (a) he was a not-so-borderline psychopath and (b) he would need to leave hospital after some kid had retaliated and beaten him within an inch of his life.  He particularly liked to publicly threaten someone with the cane (banned in schools by then, but he persuaded you otherwise) for a trivial indiscretion, got them to bend forward over the bench then whacked a metre stick down next to them with a crack that pierced your ears. 

 

I think it was the day he did this to the hardest kid in our year and brought him close to tears, that I decided to get revenge.  He popped out of the room for a couple of minutes, then spent the rest of the lesson looking for his metre stick and I wonder to this day if he ever worked out that it had been ground to dust in the power sander.

 

1 hour ago, Dave Hunt said:

When I was in the sixth form in 1963/4 we sometimes used to sneak off at lunchtime and go to the famous Cavern Club in Liverpool, which was only about ten minutes walk from school

Did you go to Bluecoat school?  I remember visiting the (gorgeous) building as a student in the early 90s when it was hosting a secondhand book sale.  I can't remember any other schools that close to the city centre, but I'm sure you'll be able to correct me.....

[J. S. Bach]

4 hours ago, Gwiwer said:

 ...snip...

Yup. 
 

Do any of those today and expect Trial by Journalist. 
.

More likely trial by judge and jury!

[J. S. Bach]

6 hours ago, SM42 said:

I am a little deaf this evening.

 

It's my own fault. 

 

Whilst tidying stuff out of the West wing so I can do some painting, I found some tinsel type material that used to be part of the Christmas tree. 

 

Taking advantage of mood lighting in the lounge I approached Mrs SM42 with this cradled in my hands. 

 

"Darling,"  I said " big spider"  and dropped it on her  😆

 

I think the scream will reach Hipposhire in the next few minutes

 

Andy

So that is the source of the odd noise I heard a few minutes ago!

 

Edited February 7, 2023 by J. S. Bach
To do a typo correction.

[PhilJ W]

4 hours ago, SM42 said:

I am a little deaf this evening.

 

It's my own fault. 

 

Whilst tidying stuff out of the West wing so I can do some painting, I found some tinsel type material that used to be part of the Christmas tree. 

 

Taking advantage of mood lighting in the lounge I approached Mrs SM42 with this cradled in my hands. 

 

"Darling,"  I said " big spider"  and dropped it on her  😆

 

I think the scream will reach Hipposhire in the next few minutes

 

Andy

You'd get an even bigger scream if you done that to a poly bear.

[Happy Hippo]

7 minutes ago, PhilJ W said:

You'd get an even bigger scream if you done that to a poly bear.

There would be no scream from a hippo, just a trail of bubbles.....

 

Yours!

[PhilJ W]

[J. S. Bach]

If you want to travel a little further to north Georgia (near Atlanta):

 

Edited February 7, 2023 by J. S. Bach

[J. S. Bach]

Night Owl from the Piedmont.

[BR60103]

19 hours ago, jamie92208 said:

Having married a young lady who had been captain of her school hockey team, and having picked her up after matches I can concur about the violence.  She would show me some injury or other.  My first question was always " What state is the other girl in". Worse was the usual answer.

 

Jamie

 

PS.  Her hockey stick is in the shed somewhere.  I try to keep it out of sight.

 

 

I believe that is the reason women are banned as warriors under the Geneva convention.

 

[iL Dottore]

2 hours ago, BR60103 said:

I believe that is the reason women are banned as warriors under the Geneva convention.

 

Kipling wrote a very insightful poem about that:

The Female of the Species Rudyard Kipling  1911

When the Himalayan peasant meets the he-bear in his pride, 
He shouts to scare the monster, who will often turn aside. 
But the she-bear thus accosted rends the peasant tooth and nail. 
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male. 
 

When Nag the basking cobra hears the careless foot of man, 
He will sometimes wriggle sideways and avoid it if he can. 
But his mate makes no such motion where she camps beside the trail. 
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male

 

And in further verses Kipling describes quite forensically why women, ultimately, are more deadly than the male.

 

I think that although nowadays it is fashionable in certain circles to deride Kipling as a colonial, “pale and stale male“, the works of Kipling really do deserve more attention than they get. In reading some of his lesser known works (as well as his more famous stuff), I do get the feeling/impression that Kipling was very sympathetic to both the peoples of the Indian subcontinent/colonies and to the working class. Definitely much more than you would expect from someone of his class and time.

[iL Dottore]

All this talk of skool “sport” leaves me a bit mystified. In primary skool I dimly recall being thrust into positions on the field - in both cricket and football - where I could “do the least harm”. My one sporting triumph was when I was up to bat, partnered by the sports master - we racked up a respectable 15 runs between us before I was bowled out
 

In secondary skool (when I was in Italy) we had mixed PE classes where skimpy shorts and tight tops were pretty much de rigeuer for the girls 😜 and definitely an impetus for us grubby skoolboys to “get fit” - but I don’t recall any organised “sports” in the British sense. My recollection is that apart from the occasional bit of basketball, most team sports were extracurricular (my first girlfriend was an enthusiastic basketball player and I’d meet her after practice).  In Italy I did enjoy playing mixed team “pick-up” volleyball - not only because I could make a halfway decent fist of it, but also because of the “bouncing and jiggling” of certain team members (as most of you are of a certain vintage I need not elaborate…)

 

The end of my participation in skool sports came when my father, for work, moved us all to the US and I completed my secondary education as a senior in an American high school. There, the school sport choice was between either American “Football” or “Driver’s Ed”.

 

I took Driver’s Ed.

 

To this day, I find organised sports of all types - individual (e.g. Tennis) or team (e.g. rugby) just boring - to participate in or, especially, to watch. The only exception to this, funnily enough, is Sumo (as a viewer I hasten to say, not a participant)

[polybear]

7 hours ago, PhilJ W said:

You'd get an even bigger scream if you done that to a poly bear.

 

Rapidly followed by the miscreant suddenly losing a limb.  Or several.

[Happy Hippo]

A nice sunny start to the day.

 

Bacon and eggs have been consumed and once I have finished communing with the internet, I shall depart for the garage.

 

However, it may be to my tactical advantage if I deal with the latest dropping from the oak trees first.

[iL Dottore]

For @SM42 and others in need of medical assistance - this may be helpful:

[SM42]

Now she's just messing about. 

 

Having announced she hadn't got that extra off for our trip to the  motherland, she rang this morning and announced that she now has the day off again and we can change back to our original plan. 

 

I wonder how long it will last this time. 

 

Andy