For those that fear coming to Australia!

[Horsetan]

.....If your coming for Christmas.. remember the fire danger will be really high as with all the rain early in summer the fire load increases!....

 

I seem to recall that when I pitched up in December, the fire risk in Melbourne manifested itself on the second or third day when the city's main Harley Davidson dealership went up in smoke. It was 36.3 deg.C that day, and I reckon the dealership fire contributed about 0.3c of that.

 

Subsequent news reports suggested that there was more to that fire than met the eye....

[ikks]

I seem to recall that when I pitched up in December, the fire risk in Melbourne manifested itself on the second or third day when the city's main Harley Davidson dealership went up in smoke. It was 36.3 deg.C that day, and I reckon the dealership fire contributed about 0.3c of that.

 

Subsequent news reports suggested that there was more to that fire than met the eye....

Harley Davidson.....Australia.....trouble!!....c'mon!, get real.  

 

mike

Edited December 5, 2017 by ikks

[kevinlms]

I seem to recall that when I pitched up in December, the fire risk in Melbourne manifested itself on the second or third day when the city's main Harley Davidson dealership went up in smoke. It was 36.3 deg.C that day, and I reckon the dealership fire contributed about 0.3c of that.

 

Subsequent news reports suggested that there was more to that fire than met the eye....

Sounds like 2 tattoo shops not that far from me. They both mysteriously caught fire on the same night. Coincidence, that each were owned by bikie gangs!

[monkeysarefun]

Sounds like 2 tattoo shops not that far from me. They both mysteriously caught fire on the same night. Coincidence, that each were owned by bikie gangs!

Hmm, those tattoo shops sure are flammable, one (non bikie related one) opened up in my town a few years ago and just kept bursting into flames...

 

http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2008/03/01/1204227047717.html

[SRman]

I saw a cartoon a while ago, depicting a bikie tatoo parlour: a sign on the wall said, "Please don't ask for credit as a punch in the mouf may offend".

[monkeysarefun]

I found a card in my letter box/ red back spider breeding facility yesterday notifying me that  I had a parcel to pick up from the post office. Thinking it was something exciting that I hadn't ordered I went down and queued up among all the racks of stuff that Australia Post seems to try to flog us these days. -  Miracle weight loss leggings and commemorative ANZAC things and  8GB USB sticks shaped like bananas or Thomas the Tank Engine and  so on.

 

I finally got to the front of the queue and got my package, Opened it excitedly hoping for something good only to find it was from our Government,  -  a bowel cancer testing kit and lots of authoritative paperwork  obviously attempting to use red tape and lots of forms to convince me to use it and send them the results for their files. Well, to paraphrase Ned Kelly at the seige of Glenrowan* -

 

"They already have my medicare number ,my drivers license details and  my tax file number, they will NEVER get my bum status! "

 

(At this point I in case it seems I am trivializing this , I did get the finger up the date test  and an all-clear about 4 months ago).

 

Anyway, after that the news came on and it was all parliament and citizenship - how many was it today that mightn't  be Australians? 12 or something? Even Pat Dodson is under a cloud!,

 

For our UK friends, this is Pat Dodson..

 

 

 

Apparently he might have an Irish grandparent or something.

 

Yesterday it was all marriage equality and speeches about how they al should get the credit for us all voting affirmative and the next day that all gets forgotten (did they even vote on it after all that?) while they try to out do each other in naming potential dual citizens on the opposite side from them,.

 

Anyway, these two events (my testing kit and the citizenship debacle) can be put to good use I reckon. WE in turn need to come up with a testing kit that we can send to all the feds, that will definitively prove if they are eligible to suck us dry and claim exorbitant dubious allowances. OOPS, i mean, represent their constituencies in parliament.

Any ideas as to what it would contain, anyone?

:

 

*Ned Kellys courageous last stand against the Government bum inspectors was commemorated by the ABC a few years go now, but it is still pertinent and a lesson from history I reckon. (And in a quaint now forgotten aspect of the past that your kids won't believe, there is footage of someone using a  "road map"!

 

Edited December 6, 2017 by monkeysarefun

[Horsetan]

.....this is Pat Dodson..

 

 

pat-dodson.jpg

 

Apparently he might have an Irish grandparent or something......

 

Wasn't he in one of the Harry Potter films?

[monkeysarefun]

Wasn't he in one of the Harry Potter films?

No, I reckon that  you are thinking of Pat Dobby-son, which is someone else completely different.

Edited December 6, 2017 by monkeysarefun

[Classsix T]

Have a sign outside Parliament stating, "You must be THIS much Australian to ride this particular Gravy Train". With a horizontal arrow at 60% of the national average height. Or a picture of Vegimite or summat.

 

C6T.

[monkeysarefun]

Have a sign outside Parliament stating, "You must be THIS much Australian to ride this particular Gravy Train". With a horizontal arrow at 60% of the national average height. Or a picture of Vegimite or summat.

 

C6T.

 

A good start. As I was watching the TV footage at the start of the week showing our glorious and wise politicians  all getting driven up to Parliament house in their individual Commonwealth cars I realised that they have ALL failed the most basic  Australian citizenship  test because they all sat in the back seat.

 

Every real Australian jumps into the passenger seat for a bit of a yarn with the driver, whether its a com car, a taxi or you;ve just been arrested and bundled into the police car for a trip to the cop shop.

 

So we already have a pretty good citizenship test happenning - sit in the front seat, pass the C6T height rule and to that I'd add the reverse a box trailer up a driveway with a kink in it test , because that is the ultimate test of Aussieness, and a source of immense shame and a target for derision if you fail it - whether at the tip, Bunnings car park or backing down a boat ramp to launch your tinnie.

Edited December 8, 2017 by monkeysarefun

[allan downes]

An English test of Englishness is to join the back of a mile long queue just to buy a box of matches.

 

Another test is that when you get there, is to fumble about in your pockets for half an hour for the exact money. If you haven't got it, then you go away and change a note then rejoin the back of the queue again.

 

However, a new test has being undergoing stringent tests over the last ten years and that is not to offer your seat on a bus to anyone over 90 and kick away their walking stick if they complain before parliament decrees is as a bona fida act of Englishness therefore it will also be legal to kick away blind people's walking sticks and a swift size nine to their guide dogs nuggets will also be acceptable.

Edited December 8, 2017 by allan downes

[Classsix T]

That Pat Dodson is blatantly not an Aussie, there's no corks on his hat!

 

C6T.

[allan downes]

Once an Englishman was defined by a flat cap and a ferret.

 

Now he's defined by a 4x4 in his drive and a holiday home in Devon.

 

However, when I was a coming of age youth back in the early 50's, bicycle clips and Brylcream earned you the true rights to be called an Englishman. Women, even then, could do what they liked and be called what they liked.

Edited December 8, 2017 by allan downes

[monkeysarefun]

Look up "Australian" in the dictionary and you will find a clip of Bob Katter, North QLD MP and my favourite mental.

 

 

Edited December 9, 2017 by monkeysarefun

[kevinlms]

Look up "Australian" in the dictionary and you will find a clip of Bob Katter, North QLD MP and my favourite mental.

 

 

And you wouldn't know from that clip. that his half brother is gay!

[monkeysarefun]

And you wouldn't know from that clip. that his half brother is gay!

 

But his half brother might get torn to pieces  by a croc every three months!

Edited December 9, 2017 by monkeysarefun

[brian777999]

The government sent me three bum test kits beofre they gave up. They are very persistent about looking at your bum here in Australia !

[PatB]

The government sent me three bum test kits beofre they gave up. They are very persistent about looking at your bum here in Australia !

 

Look at it this way. It's probably the only time when you can legally send....erm...human waste products through the post to a government department. Make the most of the opportunity I say .

Edited December 10, 2017 by PatB

[kevinlms]

Look at it this way. It's probably the only time when you can legally send....erm...human waste products through the post to a government department. Make the most of the opportunity I say .

I've often wondered how the conversation was started with Australia Post, on this matter. (Groan)!

 

Seriously, it is surprising that AP allowed it.

[DougN]

Well now you mention it, it's one way to give the CEO of auspost something to do and be paid ridiculous levels of money for let alone the golden hand shake... I personally feel for all the contractors and PO licences who get 2 bits of $/&@ all to do all the dirty work and the CEO gets their crazy money. Now to add &@t to the matter they now have to deal with real no2's in jars! I do feel for them as it is hard work!

[allan downes]

In the UK the waterboard had a magnificent method of charging private house owners for services rendered. Here's an example.

 

Many years ago, a Waterboard representative turned up at our house with a proposition.

 

"Good morning Sir, I am from the Waterboard to tell you that we are putting a new mains in and connecting up to all the houses. Now since your house is privately owned you have a choice. We can either connect you up free or you can pay for it"

 

True.

[kevinlms]

In the UK the waterboard had a magnificent method of charging private house owners for services rendered. Here's an example.

 

Many years ago, a Waterboard representative turned up at our house with a proposition.

 

"Good morning Sir, I am from the Waterboard to tell you that we are putting a new mains in and connecting up to all the houses. Now since your house is privately owned you have a choice. We can either connect you up free or you can pay for it"

 

True.

Which option did you go for?

[kevinlms]

Well now you mention it, it's one way to give the CEO of auspost something to do and be paid ridiculous levels of money for let alone the golden hand shake... I personally feel for all the contractors and PO licences who get 2 bits of $/&@ all to do all the dirty work and the CEO gets their crazy money. Now to add &@t to the matter they now have to deal with real no2's in jars! I do feel for them as it is hard work!

He's gone & been replaced by a woman on a much more modest salary.

 

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-06-27/christine-holgate-new-australia-post-boss/8654762

[ikks]

He's gone & been replaced by a woman on a much more modest salary.

 

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-06-27/christine-holgate-new-australia-post-boss/8654762

I read about his departure a little while ago..................why the F#% do these ARs@holes get this sort of money for leaving an organisation.private or government..........bloody ludicrous

 

Mike

[milkman matt]

The government sent me three bum test kits beofre they gave up. They are very persistent about looking at your bum here in Australia !

 

They sent me one which I ignored. Three years later (July this year) I had 1/3 of my bowel removed because of pre cancerous growths. I strongly advise people to take the test now.